I dreamed I was not a Catholic last night

I dreamed I was   no Catholic last night
I was in a church,unlit by candlelight
The clergyman had got no vestments on
She gave an extremely lengthy, long and  Lutheran  sermon

We had no Consecration then at all
But later we had Tizer  and played ball
Apparently we have Communion now and then
After an extremely lengthy, long and  Lutheran  sermon

We don’t kneel in a Confessional and admit
We kicked our little brother in the butt
So we have got no penance  then to come
After an extremely lengthy, long and  Lutheran  sermon

We sang these great old hymns by Bunyan
I loved them each and every single one.
But where had all the   ceremonial gone?
Instead it’s extremely lengthy, long and  Lutheran  sermon.

We mayn’t  pray to  Jude for hopeless cause
Nor ask Our Lady’s aid from  hellish maws
We speak direct to God when we feel glum
On an extremely  stunning,  Lutheran  mobile   phone .

So God  must have got a lot  pairs of ears;
Lots of eyes to weep  about  what he hears
He can’t have any helpers, even nuns
What an extremely lengthy, long and  trying carry on.

I woke up in the middle of the dream
And gave a loud and penetrating scream
My boyfriend said he knew sex was a sin
He rang St Francis on his  mobile   phone

Now I go to Mass on weekdays if  I can
Although I’m so attractive  I’ve been banned
But any ritual is  really better than
That extremely lengthy, long and  Lutheran  sermon.