Mary was in her oak panelled, blue walled dining room sitting in her old fuchsia coloured rocking chair reading “The History of God” by Karen Armstrong while the washing machine was doing its best to wash all the clothes she had found on her large bedroom chair.She decided to make some more coffee.
As she opened the walnut and maple kitchen door she saw Emile swimming in a large pool. of water He was as happy as a duck on Hampstead Pond in sunny August
Good heavens, she cried baring her small white teeth in horror.
As she looked at the washing machine she saw a strap from her brown silk petticoat was dangling through the door.Water was running down it as the machine spun.
Surely the door should not have closed with something hanging out,she told Emile who was still bathing in the water.
She ran upstairs two at a time and fetched some bath towels.
Emile was somewhat angry
I like having our own pool here in the kitchen and I love this Persil Silk and Wool Wash.All I need now is a spray on hair conditioner.
Mary dialled 999.Hello I need a paramedic.My cat is disobedient.
After a few minutes Dave the bixexual ,transvestite paramedic arrived wearing a denim dungaree dress over a striped Breton Top and a pair of wellington booots
It’s great that we are so tolerant here,Mary told him.The NHS let you wear anything at all>I quite fancy a denim dress myself.
Well,said Dave, being a transvestite is my way of life and my knees are very nice.
Mary made no more comments but led him to the kitchen
Emile,you must come out of that water,he said sternly.
I think I’ve had enough, the naughty cat replied.Put the gas fire on to dry me,please.
I am glad Annie is on holiday,Mary told Dave as they spread the towels on the red and blue lino floor.She would get very agitated as she fears being electrocuted like Thomas Merton the famous Catholic monk and mystic who took an electric fire into the bathroom in some moment of madness whilst in Asia at a conference.It seems odd unless it was the rainy season.
After their efforts Mary and Dave had coffee.
I’m reading Ted Hughes’ letters he told her.I wonder why some people keep all their letters for ever?
I kept a few of Stan’s she said but I think I’ll destroy them to stop my relatives reading them if and when I die.
I read Ted Hughes and I really enjoyed the letters and other prose works
I suppose I’d better go back to work Dave said,Shall I pop in tonight.
Yes,do,Mary told him.I’ve made a beef pie and I can make chips and fry a few dozen eggs too
Lovely,cried Dave as he jumped into the Emergency ambulance and disappeared.
Mary put the towels into the washing machine with some Tide.I guess a hot wash is best,she told herself.Where the dickens am I going to dry all this stuff and iron it too.I think I’ll enter a religious order and wear a nun’s habit.It’s like a school uniform
Come to think of it,I could invent my own uniform.
And so say all of us.For he’s a jolly good pillow
How my heart sings 