Bed and Breakfast translated

All beds to be reconstructed daily.
All china to be smashed before use
Tea towels which fall on the floor to be shaken before use
No dogs bowed to in kitchen
Cats enter on owner’s fist
Please be polite as a fist often offends.

Please think of  our neighbours before screaming in bed especially while asleep.
Please leave our rooms better than you find them.Microfibre clothes and Ajax in the wardrobe.Dusters behind the door    or in washing machine
Remember we have no maids and please cook your own goose.
My wife makes herself useful in the puddings as you see in our menu.No favours