Answer machine

I can’t answer the phone.Or perhaps it won’t answer me?
Leave a message after the moan
Please write instead
Please send me a cheque to pay the bill then I’ll answer the phone.
Hello,please leave a message after you put the phone down.
Please go away.I am debating the meaning of life.
I don’t know how to take the messages so ring me on Sunday after 11 am.My lover will be here.
If you feel suicidal don’t leave a message here. Samaritans 116123 UK
If I don’t answer ring 999.
It’s too late to speak.