If I went to church now

If I were a church goer
A really, really keen one
All day long I’d pray and meditate
If I were a  very fervent man.

I’d always say my prayers right.
Oh,really, really good
All night long I’d think of my  dear friends
If I were  that really holy one

I’d get acute insomnia.
Ah,really,really  bad.
All day long I’d  moan to my dear wife.
If I  tried to do what I began.

And then she would just leave me.
Oh, no oh no,oh no!
All day long I’d weep into my soup.
And miss her lovely home made currant  jam.

I think I am a zealot.
I really,really do.
All day long I’d  scrutinise my sins.
And wonder if I’m caught up with Satan.

I think I’ll stay  agnostic
I really see it’s best.
All day long I work and play and sing.
Just like any other lucky man.

I’m really not important.
No,I’m not and nor are you.
All day long we help each other on;
While the women thrash us with their pans.

I guess we ought to help them.
Even that’s not  quite p.c.
All day long they say  that we should share.
And so today I admit I have begun,

My wife is very zaftig.
Diddly,diddly dom
All day long I sweep and brush her hair.
Because I am a very lustful man.