Month: February 2016

Yet all human lovers

I didn’t know I’d love you

With both my heart and mind

Every love is different

Each is a special kind

 

I didn’t know I’d miss you

In quite the way I do.

For we can’t  feel emotion

Before its time is due.

 

And are you missing me now

Despite angelic hosts?

They  may care for you ,dear

But I think I cared the most.

 

Yet all human lovers

Must part and go their ways.

Some may die and fall to dust

Some may go astray.

 

I didn’t know I’d love you

And hurt invade my heart.

I didn’t know that  you’d love me.

But  we would have to part.

 

From mother and her bosom

From father and his strength

We  lose and gain throughout our life

Whatever is its length.

 

I didn’t know I’d miss you

With all my loving heart.

But . as we’re made of fragile flesh.

Humans  must  sadly part.

 

If you had been a sadist

If you had been unkind.

I would not now be grieving

And half losing my mind.

 

So maybe I should be grateful

For being found and known.

I wish you were still sitting here.

And I were not alone.

 

When we feel so lonely

No-one else will do.

It’s not that I am just lonely.

I’m lonely, just for you.

 

In the wet and stony

Pathways we must go

We must keep on walking;

Be patient  when we’re slow.

 

The inner force is working

To make new maps for me.

Wherever they shall guide my steps,

With you I’ll  long to be.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Elegance lies bare

Apple tree and sunshine

In summer time when sun do shine

I’m happy on my own

I gaze up through red maple leaves

All transparent in the sun.

But when winter comes I’m lonely

Sitting here beside my fire.

So I want a  winter lover

To keep my spirits higher.

Oh,my winter love come to me

And I’ll gaze deep into your eyes

The light that shines in there

Is so much warmer than my fire.

We’ll go through wintry woodlands,

Where elegance lies bare.

The branches struck by sun

Now feel the frosty grasp of air.

I’ll love you all the winter time.

I’ll love you  in the dark.

I’d like to rest within your arms,

And have a peaceful talk

When summer comes I’ll disappear

To roam across the dales

I’ll sleep on heather moorlands

And send you loving mail.

I can’t be tied in summertime

I must be roaming free.

But ,if you accept this  need of mine,

To you I’ll faithful be.

Dealing with a nasty remark

 

 

 

 

I read a new way of how to respond  if anyone says something unkind or unpleasant.

You memorise a proverb and instead of defending yourself from what they said you say:

Many hands make light work

A stitch in time saves  nine.

Or you could say anything as long as it is  unrelated to what they said and is undefensive

The idea seems to be that it will throw them off track.I’ve not tried it as yet but will report of I do.Fortunately I don’t often come  into contact with very nasty people much.It might be useful on the bus as sometimes people are rude there.

When nuisance callers stay on your line after you press the red button

ENDING A CALL: Turn off the power  if it’s a cordless phone.

This has happened to me.The operator said they don’t quite know how it  is done but it’s to with them being computer generated.The call remained on my line until I switched off the electricity where the base phone is connected.

On certain types of phone you can block unwanted calls.If you can’t understand how to do it ask someone to show you.It’s the best way  although no doubt they can call from a different number.

 

J’accuse mais aussi je t’adore

We children were often accused

Of teaching our cat to bite shoes.

Well the poor thing was bored

As she was ignored

Until she got into the News.

 

Cat destroys  shoes by the score

When the owner was locking the door.

So what plea did puss enter

As we did torment her?

J’accuse mais aussi je t’adore

 

So pussy was not sent to jail

Nor did Ma have to pay bail

For the policeman did err

In arresting Ms Fur.

Cats can’t be  charged  by the tail..

 

 

Be awry if you can

Spring 2016

 Flowers already in bloom by Mike Flemming.2016.Copyright

Nr 1:

How not to pronounce awry
I could tell you a fun little story
But awry is not pronounced aw-ri
That unsettles my mind
Which is somewhat unkind.
And what’s more Lowry doesn’t rhyme with story either so I am stuck here on the page for ever
.Or not
I once  had a dear friend called Mary
Whose home was  ostentatiously awry
She slept in a box
Surrounded by clocks
And winter frost on her head looked all hoary.
Awry and quirky I be
And the cat will not sit on my knee.
He’s gone out on with the boys
Forsaken his toys.
Next he’ll be stuck up a tree.
I can’t climb a ladder today
I guess I’ll have to pay
A man with a van
To do what he can.
Life is all awry and fey
2,Correct
My bedroom is all awry
My bed is a tart apple pie.
But it’s cosy and warm
And does me no harm
Though sometimes in a dream I will fly
Caught red handed 2
Is your marriage awry like mine?
Is your partner somewhat less than divine.
Well give thanks to the Lord
For indeed it is hard
To live with a god all the time.
DSCF0002
The bedroom was indescribably neat
Nothing was awry but a sheet
It lay on the floor
inside of the door
Just where I put my black feet.
.
My awry home is disliked by the doc
Yet he wears an unmatched pair o’ socks
Over full with tact
I never tell him that fact.
I just make certain our eyes never lock

Or Jesus won’t half give a spank.

Pray Father, give me your blessing

To my peccadilloes, I am now confessing.

Please name them in rank,

From a  theft to a wank.

Or Jesus won’t half you en- spank.

 

Beg pardon, dear Father,I’m shocked

To hear the Lord’s name being mocked.

Well, we’re now up to date

So got on with it, mate.

Or who knows what will be your fate!

 

All right then  I stole my wife’s purse.

I also indulged in a curse.

Why, where is your own money?

I have not got any!

I work hard  but I buy myself honey,

 

Is honey a euphemism then?

No I buy the Manuka  when

I get bronchitis

Or bad tonsillitis

Surely that is never a sin?

 

Well all in proportion, dear friend

You need to earn more than you spend.

I see that is logical,

Almost a thimbleful

.But applying it sent me round the bend

 

But how about priests like yourself?

They are not meant to accrue any wealth.

Well that is the theory

But, cripes,holy Mary.

Some of us do it by stealth.

 

Well, how about absolving me now?

I do repent   fully and how!

Your penance is this:

Give Facebook a miss.

And earn more money somehow.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

We learned definition and precision.

What was so wrong with me asking
About your absence from this world
And trying to grab you back
holding onto your coat tail
Eternity’s long enough already
We don’t need your vapour trails.
Was it a wicked thing to do
As you floated  far away
To reach out to touch once more?
I admit I never knew you kept a score
Were you already packing bags
to throw out the door?
I knew it was the real thing
But some folk never do.
You have your expectations
And your tests and rules
But we never learned those
In our lessons  at  high school.
We learned rigour and icy vision
We learned definition and precision.
But what use are they in loving?
What use are  they in life?
I didn’t know how to travel with no maps
And you were off anyhow.
The orchestra stopped playing
When they saw the gap.
You can’t fly forever
But I  am leaving you.
In these  circumstances
What  does a woman like me do.
You can smile and squeeze your eyes tight
Suck in those cheeks and hide your love.
What’s coming after you ’s an eagle or a crow
Not a dove…it’s black I know
When you toss it all away then
Seems like it’s long past time
and emotion to call it a day.
Come again…..you must be crazy.
Love is clear to me  now like the face of a new born daisy

He rolls his eyes wryly

My husband is idiosyncratic

He sleeps all day in the attic

When the  moon  peeps out shyly,

He  rolls his eyes wryly

Saying, my dreams were  merely synthetic.

 

So. is that not good, I replied

If you hate then they can be dyed.

How about blue,

Will  ultramarine do?

I wanted pure silk,he then sighed.

 

I think it’s the sheets that you mean.

I am a wife, not a queen

I bought lots of cotton.

For silk  might get spots on.

I’ve got spots on my bottom, he screamed.

 

Well ,here is some TCP cream.

Try that and we’ll feel how it seems.

Go up to bed

And chew on some lead.

While I stay down here with my schemes.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Stan and Mary meet the postman

Stan was brushing his sturdy tomcat Emile by the front window when he saw the postman coming up the path.This was a surprise as it was eight o’clock in the evening,though it was still quite light.He opened the door.
Goodness me,they are making you work hard” he murmured sympathetically to the weary looking postman.
Well,if I don’t do what they want there are 2.5 million unemployed people out there all seeking work” he said in a deep guttural voice.
I like your beard,cried Emile.And your moustache.
Do you like my new hat, asked the postman politely.
Yes,very much said the little cat.
Well,I have to wear it as I am a Conservative Jew.
I have never been quite sure what a Conservative Jew is,said Stan
And I have never been sure why the Church of England is international ,replied the tired man.
Neither have I, said Stan.It seems illogical.
He gave the postman some tea in a paper cup so he could drink it before he went any further.
Can I use your bathroom,he called to Stan who was admiring a few early daffodils.
Of course you can… it’s just at the top of the stairs.
When Arthur the postman came out he thanked Stan
Nowadays since all the public conveniences are no longer there it’s hard to find a lavatory and when you work a 12 hour day you do get to need a leak.
Yes,said Stan.I frequently have people using the loo…. or failing that you can go behind the hedge.
Just like me,thought Emile.I often go behind the hedge.I also take lady cats right to the back of the hedge for the purpose of lovemaking.
Have you ever made love under a hedge,Emile asked Arthur.
Or is it forbidden by your Mosaic Law?
Well,said Arthur, we can make love  anywhere at all.But we have to be sure it is real love and not just us pretending to love someone in order to get something out of them.
That seems wise, said Stan.You seem a really wise man.
Yes,I did do a lot of studying till I lost  my  job as a University lecturer and had to work as a postman.But it does give me time to meditate.
And what is your advice to other humans, purred Emile.
Well, I’ll just offer you one thought ,Don’t exploit others for self gratification and if you feel suicidal please tell someone or phone the Samaritans.
And if you do go ahead I advise you to burn your diaries,letters and other private writing…look at poor Sylvia Plath,How could she have been so stupid. Everything  she ever wrote,even on the paper napkin at dinner was  collected and published by her almost ex-husband.We seem to know more about her than anyone who ever lived.
You have a good point there, said Stan.
I work for the Samaritans one day a week and Emile sits by me and purrs to keep me happy.
You seem a good man, said  Arthur.Then all of a sudden he disappeared… leaving just a smile in the air like the Chesire Cat.
Oh,my sweet Lord,Stan murmured.Was that who I think?
Yes,said Emile.I saw the heavenly host behind him singing
Why did he call here?
We’ll just have to wait and see… but I shall cut up my diary tomorrow and delete my journal from the computer.I don’t want to cause scandal after I die.
No,said Emile, just cause scandal while you are alive by taking yet another mistress.
You little devil,Said Stan
And then Stan and Emile both chuckled as they went back into the house.And Stan resumed brushing Emile and mused over the visitation whilst forgetting he had not cooked the dinner for his hardworking wife Mary.Luckily Mary was always patient,

Peccadillo.. from MW word of the day

peccadillo

play

noun pek-uh-DIL-oh

Definition

: a slight offense

Examples

Mark’s thank-you note to his hostess was sincere and touching; his only peccadillo was addressing her by her first name instead of “Mrs. Henderson.”

“[Tanyanne] Ball seemed to have mastered the form of affable confrontation: as soon as she saw someone perpetrating a civic peccadillo, she would stride up and calmly, grinningly ask, ‘Are you aware that you have just committed a violation?'” — Tobi Haslett, NewYorker.com, 10 Nov. 2015

Learn a new word every day. Delivered to your inbox!

Did You Know?

“The world loves a spice of wickedness.” That observation by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow may explain why people are so willing to forgive peccadilloes as youthful foolishness or lapses of judgment. The willingness to overlook petty faults and minor offenses existed long before English speakers borrowed a modified version of the Spanish pecadillo at the end of the 16th century. Spanish speakers distinguished the pecadillo, or “little sin,” from the more serious pecado, their term for a sin of magnitude. And these Spanish terms can be traced back still further, to the Latin verb peccare, meaning “to sin.”

For spreading evil is a bitter choice.

 

When love’s betrayed and doom hangs overhead,

When  blood drains from my veins into the sea.

Then shall I take new lovers to my bed;

And with their carnal touch consoled be?

When lovers  lie and  break my  tender heart.

When life seems grey and rocks bestrew my path.

Then, shall I my life of evil start;

And on the world shall I bestow my wrath?

When  lovers lie and wreck all loyalty.

When puzzlement makes all my world seem mad.

Then I shall upend causality

And choose good deeds  despite the tempting bad.

,

 

For spreading evil is  a  bitter choice.

Though deep in woe, I still  own my own  voice.

 

Then he wasn’t

He was the most Klimt  witted man I ever saw

His portraits were pointillistic

His fingers were long and pliant

His face a wire drawing of picasso in old age

His ears like two old beer mugs hung with multiple invisible rings

His shoulders  narrow,

his coat hung  off wrong;

dead cabbage leaves  in moonlight,  the effect

His body   shapeless,hidden

An old wooden peg, blunt.

Legs hidden like Victorian tables

Feet bare but well shaped.

Too many dots and no eyes.

He was all there

Then he wasn’t.

 

 

I don’t feel Saturday

 

Read the review section tonight;

books I’ll never read  fully

probably;

contradictions like Denmark –

Denmark has the happiest population,

and they’re all on prozac, too.Don’t you see?

There was a  new poem by Fiona Sampson;

Mein Kampf is being republished.

Then the complete works of a poet  I’ve never heard of,

a school teacher

The TV shows a silenced film of murder in a castle.

I look at email

delete most

And eat my supper  from the laptop.

protected by a perfumed spicy mat

my nephew sent from the USA;

it’s patchwork.

My mind is on Furtwangler and the Pastoral

Should we judge artists for their political sympathies?

I ask my distant brother in my head

I won’t mention it when I phone him.

He looked like my twin but I don’t know him

He was always running away so fast, I lost him;

now he’s run down, his clockwork broke.

We mention Krystalle Nacht 1938

He seems surprised I know the date.

He doesn’t know I can’t spell it when I say it

[It was my mother in law’s birthday too]

Now I have lived precisely half my life motherless;

I can’t imagine how being mothered might have been.

I’m lonely.

My libido is dead too.

Maybe I should become another gender,

Or species.

I don’t….

What?

I miss  it all.

Conkers and warm cobbles

Playing rounders in the road

Uncle Vince’s car

Cousin Frank could have been a butcher

Threw it up for acting

Played Hitler and a Jewish man in Warsaw

And an incestuous father,barbed wire.

Now he’s dead

He still had thick hair;

But it didn’t matter.

 

 

Let your lips meet gently

Let your lips meet gently,
the top one resting against the lower,
touching with tenderness
your own skin to skin.

Forefinger propped on chin,
I let the others dangle,
like leaves on a branch;
how softly gravity tugs them downwards.

Let heart beat quietly,slowly
as the blood circulates
carrying its music,
a river,
following the path of least resistance.

How the blood vessels receive willingly this flow,
touching it kindly as with tiny open fingers,
helping and being helped.

How the hair on the head
floats
on the breeze,
like tentacles of an octopus
waving goodbye.

Top eyelid loves the lower one;
as we blink they touch
like lovers kissing swiftly
behind a tree.

and how the light comes in
we see a world.
[mine may not be yours,]
but the blink of my eyelid
sends waves through the air,
so we’re all touching and being touched,
lips kissing each other,
kiss all living creatures.

skin to skin.
air to air.

And inside us,the rich darkness
of creative night
transforms,in turn,
these touches
into dreams.

What troth?

 

She thought he was going to  impregnate her but he has impignorated her to his best friend.She was very angry and decided t

Blight his troth

But what is a  troth?

It’s not quite truth

troth
trəʊθ,trɒθ/
noun
noun: troth
  1. 1.
    archaic formal
    faith or loyalty when pledged in a solemn agreement or undertaking.
    “a token of troth”
  2. 2.
    archaic
    truth.
Origin
Middle English: variant of truth.

 

 

 

Impignorate – from Merriam Webster unabridged

impignorate

transitive verb im·pig·no·rate \ə̇mˈpignəˌrāt\

Definition of impignorate

Popularity: Bottom 30% of words

  1. :  pledge, pawn, mortgage

im·pig·no·ra·tion noun

Wait, there’s more! This word doesn’t usually appear in our free dictionary, but we’ve shared just a bit of the information that appears in our premium Unabridged Dictionary.

Origin of impignorate

Late Latin or Medieval Latin impignoratus, impigneratus, past participle of impignorare, impignerare, from Latin in- 2in- + pignorare, pignerare to pledge — more at pignorate

But then we learn

Trapped in  cultivated  ways ,we may  forget

That usefulness can also be a trap.

Am I the one who never makes a bet?

Am I  the one who always has the map?

 

We are no automata, we are flesh.

And even older brains can be rewired

Maybe we need to clear  our  boring cache

And light  a few more glowing mental fires.

 

Reluctance seems  to  cage us with our fear.

Though ,despite our wishes, we all age and die.

Time goes and  the end will soon be here

But  it is never too late just  to try.

 

It is myself to whom I speak in sonnet form

Anxiety is  fierce  until we learn.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Come again

 We landed  in silk and money all right.It was a bank vault with no exit
We slandered jilted honeys and got into sin that way.Then we went to Confession gratefully
Will the last witch  step outside with me?I  have a broom but no stick.
My past cattarrh came back ten years later.Where did it hide?
 A cough a minute disrupted my lecture on Silence.It was me!
We  cursed all the way to the bank then fell in and droned monotonously
Play down the law,  please.We want a riot tonight
Lay  the  hard ones by  Jezebel and she will ripen them all
Do wink daily as it exercises the lids of your eyes
 Do leave your bark outside and bring in your bite
Deaf at the altar she missed her vow and ever after lived in sin… well it was not exactly sin,more like misclassification
An agenda in his own mind made him deaf to our pleasures,fortunately.
A weapon doesn’t change its  sports.A gun’s a gun for a’ that
Blesser of two evils and  a cursor  on four laptops.. what a life story!
I say,let  Byron be Byron for now
 She let sleeping dogs  fly anywhere in the world free
Let the bureaucrat  spout  from the dead or at them
let’s roll over the edge of the bed and tell  lies on the sheepskin rug
Do let’s split our hairs
Lick Betty’s wick and give her a new match
Clicking sounds on and off  compulsively annoys the audience,I find.And you should hear my voicetab.. it’s like tom cat on the prowl

Why some languages are written right to left

 

http://www.chabad.org/library/article_cdo/aid/2920308/jewish/Why-Do-We-Write-Hebrew-from-Right-to-Left.htm

According to this article it seems all languages were writtenright to left when they were chiselled into stone but after ink was invented then it was better to write left to right to avoid blots.Hebrew already being written so much in stone remained right to left.

As to why some people are left handed,I am ignorant.But it’s awkward for them learning to write with pens

Wot not to rite

 

    • aegis: ee-jis, not ay-jis
    • asterisk: as-ter-isk, not as-ter-ik
    • alumnae: a-lum-nee, not a-lum-nay
    • archipelago: ar-ki-PEL-a-go, not arch-i-pel-a-go
    • athlete: ath-leet, not ath-a-leet
    • candidate: kan-di-dayt, not kan-i-dayt
    • chimera: kiy-MEER-a, not CHIM-er-a
    • disastrous: di-zas-tres, not di-zas-ter-es
    • electoral: e-LEK-tor-al, not e-lek-TOR-al
    • etcetera: et-set-er-a, not ek-set-er-a
    • lambaste: lam-bayst, not lam-bast
    • larvae: lar-vee, not lar-vay
    • library: li-brar-y, not li-bar-y
    • mischievous: MIS-che-vus, not mis-CHEE-vee-us

  • Who is Archie Pelago anyway?
  • Miss ,Jesus called.        What!Has he become gender fluid as well now?
  • He’s with Kay Meera I guess.I don’t blunderstand any furore
  •  It took aegis to cook the dinner
  • I larvee tonight, my dear one.I’m Deutsch so  I rhyme  like no one

 

DSCF0002

 

  • It’s that Elle Ectoralle on the  phone again.Hello,Elle.Heck she’s gone
  • We had lamb paste for our tea on digestive whiskers.The cat’s actuelly… it’s hell in here
  • Anterisques for sale post sortem la  langue francais
  • I lie buried rarely.I lie  prematurely.I lie cos I  love Xeno-phone

Jewish humour

Conversation with the Rabbi
Rabbi Bloom asked young Paul what his favourite bible story was.
“I guess the one about Noah and the ark, where they floated around on the water for 40 days and 40 nights” replied Paul.
“That was a good story,” said Rabbi Bloom, “and, with all that water, I bet they had a good time fishing, don’t you think?”
Paul thought for a moment, then replied, “I don’t think so…they only had two worms.”

When darkness comes again

When darkness comes down like a blinding blow

And ,all alone, I sit and see the  stars,

Then what is or out I do not know

Nor shall I muse nor look ahead too far.

 

To recover from the damage we call life,

Can become the purpose and the flow

And even when our heart has felt the knife

That will heal and all the pain will go.

 

Yet nightfall brings reminders of our  end,

Though summer light can give us false belief.

Under too much strain we jolt and  bend

And know that time does nothing but deceive.

 

Yet do not  bang your head to see the stars.

Just turn  off all the lights and there they are

 

 

 

 

 

Lewis Carroll (from Through the Looking-Glass and What Alice Found There, 1872)

Lewis Carroll

(from Through the Looking-Glass and What Alice Found There, 1872)`Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe:
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.


“Beware the Jabberwock, my son!
The jaws that bite, the claws that catch!
Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun
The frumious Bandersnatch!”

He took his vorpal sword in hand:
Long time the manxome foe he sought —
So rested he by the Tumtum tree,
And stood awhile in thought.

And, as in uffish thought he stood,
The Jabberwock, with eyes of flame,
Came whiffling through the tulgey wood,
And burbled as it came!

One, two! One, two! And through and through
The vorpal blade went snicker-snack!
He left it dead, and with its head
He went galumphing back.

“And, has thou slain the Jabberwock?
Come to my arms, my beamish boy!
O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!’
He chortled in his joy.

`Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe;
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.