Day: February 8, 2016

J’accuse mais aussi je t’adore

We children were often accused

Of teaching our cat to bite shoes.

Well the poor thing was bored

As she was ignored

Until she got into the News.

 

Cat destroys  shoes by the score

When the owner was locking the door.

So what plea did puss enter

As we did torment her?

J’accuse mais aussi je t’adore

 

So pussy was not sent to jail

Nor did Ma have to pay bail

For the policeman did err

In arresting Ms Fur.

Cats can’t be  charged  by the tail..

 

 

Be awry if you can

Spring 2016

 Flowers already in bloom by Mike Flemming.2016.Copyright

Nr 1:

How not to pronounce awry
I could tell you a fun little story
But awry is not pronounced aw-ri
That unsettles my mind
Which is somewhat unkind.
And what’s more Lowry doesn’t rhyme with story either so I am stuck here on the page for ever
.Or not
I once  had a dear friend called Mary
Whose home was  ostentatiously awry
She slept in a box
Surrounded by clocks
And winter frost on her head looked all hoary.
Awry and quirky I be
And the cat will not sit on my knee.
He’s gone out on with the boys
Forsaken his toys.
Next he’ll be stuck up a tree.
I can’t climb a ladder today
I guess I’ll have to pay
A man with a van
To do what he can.
Life is all awry and fey
2,Correct
My bedroom is all awry
My bed is a tart apple pie.
But it’s cosy and warm
And does me no harm
Though sometimes in a dream I will fly
Caught red handed 2
Is your marriage awry like mine?
Is your partner somewhat less than divine.
Well give thanks to the Lord
For indeed it is hard
To live with a god all the time.
DSCF0002
The bedroom was indescribably neat
Nothing was awry but a sheet
It lay on the floor
inside of the door
Just where I put my black feet.
.
My awry home is disliked by the doc
Yet he wears an unmatched pair o’ socks
Over full with tact
I never tell him that fact.
I just make certain our eyes never lock

Or Jesus won’t half give a spank.

Pray Father, give me your blessing

To my peccadilloes, I am now confessing.

Please name them in rank,

From a  theft to a wank.

Or Jesus won’t half you en- spank.

 

Beg pardon, dear Father,I’m shocked

To hear the Lord’s name being mocked.

Well, we’re now up to date

So got on with it, mate.

Or who knows what will be your fate!

 

All right then  I stole my wife’s purse.

I also indulged in a curse.

Why, where is your own money?

I have not got any!

I work hard  but I buy myself honey,

 

Is honey a euphemism then?

No I buy the Manuka  when

I get bronchitis

Or bad tonsillitis

Surely that is never a sin?

 

Well all in proportion, dear friend

You need to earn more than you spend.

I see that is logical,

Almost a thimbleful

.But applying it sent me round the bend

 

But how about priests like yourself?

They are not meant to accrue any wealth.

Well that is the theory

But, cripes,holy Mary.

Some of us do it by stealth.

 

Well, how about absolving me now?

I do repent   fully and how!

Your penance is this:

Give Facebook a miss.

And earn more money somehow.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

We learned definition and precision.

What was so wrong with me asking
About your absence from this world
And trying to grab you back
holding onto your coat tail
Eternity’s long enough already
We don’t need your vapour trails.
Was it a wicked thing to do
As you floated  far away
To reach out to touch once more?
I admit I never knew you kept a score
Were you already packing bags
to throw out the door?
I knew it was the real thing
But some folk never do.
You have your expectations
And your tests and rules
But we never learned those
In our lessons  at  high school.
We learned rigour and icy vision
We learned definition and precision.
But what use are they in loving?
What use are  they in life?
I didn’t know how to travel with no maps
And you were off anyhow.
The orchestra stopped playing
When they saw the gap.
You can’t fly forever
But I  am leaving you.
In these  circumstances
What  does a woman like me do.
You can smile and squeeze your eyes tight
Suck in those cheeks and hide your love.
What’s coming after you ’s an eagle or a crow
Not a dove…it’s black I know
When you toss it all away then
Seems like it’s long past time
and emotion to call it a day.
Come again…..you must be crazy.
Love is clear to me  now like the face of a new born daisy