Day: January 21, 2016

Lend me your lenses?

I had a strange experience once.

I went into Argos in the town centre7406795_6eb9a547fa_m and was looking at laptops on their little screen when a woman nearby, whom I did not know, asked to borrow my glasses.I said,Why do you want them?
And she replied that they would make the print bigger on the little screen.I said it might not be so as I am short sighted and the lenses makes print smaller and in any case I didn’t lend them out

.She seemed very angry like a toddler who has heard the word,No,for the first time.To me it seemed odd to ask a stranger such a thing.
When I was on the bus I was telling a friend who said she probably wanted to steal them.That never ocurred to me but it may be true.So beware.What next,my heart? Then I was thinking that my glasses were quite expensive and we come to the question of envy and whether it is ethical to walk around town in designer glasses.Because it might give pain to poorer people.She must have guessed I was a generous, soft hearted person but I would be in serious danger without them.

It seems very weird to expect someone you don’t know , outside, in public ,to lend you something so important to them.A tissue or even some money,maybe but not spectacles.

In Jesus’s time they were not invented so the Bible tells us nothing about the ethics of spectacle lending.So maybe I need to write a new book for the Bible discussing via stories this type of question.Imagine in those days they had no cars either or fridges…. so nobody could borrow them.I recall neighbours borrowing sugar when I was a child

Mary buys an outfit

Just before  the date of Stan’s funeral a  new heatwave began.Mary realised her outfit which her sister had  thoughtfully chosen was  much too heavy.And she didn’t want to pass out.So she called into a small department store full of delightful garments.Unfortunately most were more suitable for a nightclub than a chapel.A black dress caught her eye.It had a somewhat low neckline which was decorated with a deep gold band.

Mary decided it was more suitable for Queen Cleopatra than a British  woman.After a few minutes she found a lovely thin black jacket and a long  drapy skirt.She rewarded herself with a large cup of coffee and observed the scene.

 

Many of the women were wearing the dresses Mary had thought were for dancing and nightclubs while the rest wore jeans with T shirts saying:No size Fashion or Free women now!Most were rather plump so their busts stuck out with the words going up and down some invisible contour lines across the small mountain range their bosoms resembled.No wonder when the counter in the cafe was stacked with almond croissants.Definitely  an occassion of sin and for sin.P1000179 4

The next morning Mary showed her new outfit to Annie.

You can’t wear that,Annie screeched  in a womanly way.That  skirt is blue!

Well if it is ,it is dark blue,Mary cried.It looked black in the shop to me

You will have to go back and change it.And you must buy some makeup too..

What,for a funeral? Mary murmured guilelessly

Yes,said Annie who was wearing pink and purple eyeshadow from Pax Wacter combined with sun protective foundation by  Minxette in deep cool beige.Her lashes were dyed purple and her brows had been groomed in a way which gave the impression she was constantly in a state of severe surprise or shock.

Her thick juicy lips were  painted  a lurid orange from Revlon of   Timbuctoo and Shanghai which meant that any man who kissed her would never  be able to conceal  their passion from their  wives or partners.How hard life can be at times.Or even all the time

.You must dress entirely in black for the funeral and it will make you look pale but don’t worry you can have some of my makeup

Will the colour suit me,asked Mary plaintively.

I think you can wear any colour now your hair has gone that shade of pale like Helen Mirren’s is.

You are a  kind  in a rude  way,Mary responded ,but I  take the hint.

After Annie left Mary phoned an old  friend of hers and asked him what he thought of her clothes problem.

Black and blue will look very good,he told her.As long as it’s dignified and dark  the colour is immaterial.Don’t think about ir

That’s nice,Mary thought,as she hated shopping and was unsure how much income she would have as a widow.

Being practical a dark  blue skirt  is something a woman can wear any time whereas black is not so good in the daytime nor in a nightdress either,she realised

If  you visit any town centre in Britain you will see sights  of women in strange and tight clothing that will both amuse and appal you  though most of us are used to it now.I don’t know if men ever get used to it,

My goodness,  Mary said to herself,what hard work it is losing a husband.I should have hired a boat and thrown him into  Coniston Water.That would have been better than all this kerfuffle.Although the police might not like it.Still waters ruin sheep.though.4666723_f520

Cubist collage by  Kathryn Braithwaite.

A square plate

He said he needed three square meals a day .So far  she ‘s not found him a square plate!

He said he liked to sin three times a day so they divorced and lived happily with laughter.

He used to go to Confession weekly until the priest gave him an extension to finish his list once and for all..Otherwise  he’ll be   getting a doctorate in doubt and rumour.

How do we know when the time is ripe?

The future’s not ours to flee.

Why don’t rolling stones get a gloss?

We used a milk bottle as a rolling pin but now it seems  pastry  cp,es in cardboard boxes in the supermarket

I like sausage and trash once a week.

Why did  any cooks boil the wrath?What did they want.. a red mist?

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