When I am down I like a little Bark.

What about my shoe,Bert?

I know it’s a stiletto , but murder doesn’t cure depression.

Nothing lasts…except the ten minutes before the doctor begins the 22 injections into your face.

You know I hate the way   they talk,You are going to smell the smell of human flesh burning.

It’s what we call schizoid.If they said, your own flesh burning then you’d be shouting,  and bawling.And they can’t handle that.

They are only trying to help you

That’s what Hitler said to Freud

And what did Freud say?

i prefer a cigar,myself.

I didn’t know you smoked

It’s  the new oven.

What’s the make?

Belsen,I think.

You sure?

Or Schwitz they said.

I think that’s disgusting.

Well you have to leave it all behind you.

it’s still bloody disgusting.

I agree,we are going all electric soon… starting with the chairs.

You are barking.

Or Digging ’em.

Don’t get the spade out,We’ve buried enough.

All you need is love……. it’s just the bloody hate that lurks about…..Oh,my God

Oh,Stan is feeling happy.
His wife has gone away.
She’s gone out to Australia
She won’t be home till May.

Oh,Stan has got a mistress,
She lives next door to him.
She is very curvy.
She won’t go to the gym!

Her first name it is Sukie
She loves Stan and his cat.
She wears far too much makeup.
Her cheeks are very fat.

She wears bright coloured stockings.
Her handbag’s apple green.
She wears a dark red jacket,
In case she meets the Queen.

Stan loves Sukie dearly.
He loves his wife as well.
What will be the outcome?
I’m damned if I can tell.

They’ve been in this threesome
For twenty seven years;
Even though Stan’s mother
Said it would end in tears.

Mary is Stan’s wife
They only had one child.
Her name is little Lyra.
and she is very wild.

She looks quite like a tiger
Her eyes are very sharp.
But Lyra’s a musician.
She plays an Irish harp.

Stan wanted more children
But Mary went off sex.
She never let him love her
Except via a text.

She called him her sweet baby.
She called him “little lamb”.
Stan gets very angry.
For Stanley is a man.

He wants to join with Mary
Like couples usually do.
He wants to unite with her
But she always has the flu.

Now she’s giving lectures
In the southern hemisphere.
So Stan makes love to Sukie
And swigs ten pints of beer.

The cat Emile is watching.
He keeps a daily log.
Stan has bedded Sukie
Right there on the rug.

He’d vacuumed it that morning
To Emile’s great surprise.
The antics they performed on it
Have opened Emile’s eyes.

Now they’re in the kitchen
To microwave a meal.
Then Stan says to Sukie
“I like the way you feel.