I love my own image

I love to look into a mirror

My face glows with  bright yellow skincream

I love my own image

Even  time ravaged

I wonder when I’ll be made Queen.

I  bought some shapeware for fat women

As my  round  bits are  all falling down

Now my bum  protrubes off the cuff;

And  my  breasts  look like a stiff ruff

I bought chafeless  cycling shorts last week

And went for a ride in the woods.

The gynaecologist saw  my shorts

She  made sardonic remarks.

So my cheeks are all  reddened with blood.

She told  me that I’ve got anaemia

Yet my irony  level is high.

There are 400  different types

Pernicious sounds just  right.

I must go and tell my old Guy

My dead husband does not know nothing

He’s in the front room in a bag.

i had him cremated

Rght after we mated.

So now I’m a lonely old hag.

i could have got married to a doctor

And lived in a big detached house

Yet though he loved me so much

I left him in the lurch.

I now live with the church mouse.

y