-
Mary liked that moment on mas Eve when at last she closed the front door after Stan had carried in the last bit of shopping and the shops would close for a while…Although many only close for one day,there is a still a feeling in many women’s hearts that they must stock up with all conceivable food and drink.At one time Stan baked bread so there was no panic buying of elderly sliced loaves from newsagents shops,just in case the real bread ran out. After all one might eat fried mince pies and eggs for breakfast or curried Christmas cake with brown rice and bananas in lemon juice for dinner. Man cannot live by bread alone and here we can all agree even if we are not religious. Mary walked down the hall and into the green and blue kitchen.Mary walked down the hall and into the green and blue kitchen. I’ll make a good cup of tea now,she cried to Stan. Thanks,honey. he replied in his kindly way.Any choccy biscuits?Stan loved a chocolate biscuit but parsimony made Mary refuse to buy them weekly.And also Stan himself believes that if you eat something every week it’s no longer such a treat. Mary poured the boiling water into the tea pot and at the same moment she heard a familiar voice. Hi,Stan,Hi Mary,can I come in and have a chat now? It was Annie their stunning neighbour wearing a long green tartan wool skirt and a cashmere and merino jumper of ocean blue. Her eyeshadow was teal and her lipstick was pale pink and shiney like a well polished mirrror. Why Annie,you match the kitchen,said Stan.You will have to move in. Where would I sleep? she enquired roguishly In the dog’s basket.It’s quite big… it was made for a St Bernard You don’t have any dog,Annie cried through her luscious wasp stung pink glowing lips. There’s no law that stops cat owners buying dog baskets.Stan said humorously. But it seems silly to me,Annie murmured.A waste of money. Well,we did think that if someone wanted to stay over they could sleep in it. What a strange idea when you have a five bedroomed house with 3 en suites and a sprinkler in the garden. Well,we had the dog basket when we lived in a small flat and have never updated our mental set ups.Stan lectured manfully. How do we update our mental set ups,asked Mary with a twinkle in her large blue and singularly beautiful eyes. Well,Mary,look at you.I asked you to buy a laptiop ten years ago but you were convinced that you would never be able to learn how to use it.Clearly with your mathematical training and you love of philosophy and your three higher degrees in real and complex analysis you were judging yourself wrongly….. but why you think you can’t do certain things I am not able to say.You might date it back to always being asked to do too much as a child. Yes,said Mary.When we got an electric cooker,Mother could not work the timer but she knew I could do it.But it was only by trial and error,not to mention trial and terror. Annie said Thank God I was backward as a child so I played with dolls till I was fifteen and then I played with a boy in the shrubbery and he played with me Very nice I am sure,Mary said icily.And you still play with yourself nowI expect. How dare you said,Annie.I play by myself but not with myself. This is all very odd,thought Emile. Can a cat play with itself? Yes,I have played with my shadow on the big brick wall… all alone.Does Annie play with her shadow? That must be good fun. Suddenly the door bell rang very loudly making Stan turn green as he fell off his chair onto the red cork flooring.In ran Dave,the transexual paramedic.. Here I am and I have brought Emile 12 mice pies,he cried merrily Are they sweet or savoury ,asked Stan curiously. I dunno said Dave.I got’em in Waitclose.You could phone them. All I want to know is, were the mice raised in a suitable environment with fresh air and plenty of natural food.Are the pies full of taste enhancers and dangerous chemicals? Oh,my said Dave turning red,I only got them for Emile not for the Queen Mother. Well,Stan said, we must be consistent in life and what is wrong for one species must be wrong for all. But can you prove that,asked Mary.Suppose some mice have been eating food in a house where they only eat ready made meals and buy cakes in a supermarket.Folk in such a house would not mind their cats and the mice eating food full of all manner of preservatives,flavouring of a artificial type and going without five fruits a day.I can’t imagine a mouse eating five fruits a day.He’d prefer five spoons of bread and cheese grated. I suppose it would depend on the size of the fruit,Stan answered eloquently. I do like coming here,said Dave.You discuss such intriguing things. Well,said Annie,I’d prefer to discuss what sort of shampoo is good for old hair. The hair is not old,said Dave.It grows all the time and you cut the ends off so it’s new… You know what I mean,older people’s hair can go thinner and more frizzy… even cat’s coats are not so thick when they grow old.Sometimes they have to be given tailor made winter coats and small hats. Why,are they Jewish ? teased Mary.. What do you mean ? Jewish mensometimes wear little caps or even big hats in winter to mark their respect for God, the great mystery.. I am afraid you have made an error in your logic: All Jewish men wear hats Emile wears a hat Hence Emile is Jewish, That is not a valid argument. Neither is : All boys play games. I play games Hence I am a boy. Do Jewish boys play with hats,asked Emile. No,they play with cats,Stan told him.Just like most other boys do.Why I used to spend hours trailing string across the floor to get our little kitty excited…. then one day she got really over excited and later gave birth to four kittens, You don’t think it was playing with string that caused that, Mary whispered behind her hand to Stan.They must have had a father. Yes,causation and correlation are often confused.Buying a car does not cause one to fornicate in the back seat.It just gives an extra choice to hand when the bushes and haystacks are wet Can’t we listen to some carols,said Annie nervously. We can sing one said Stan.Here is my newest. Oh,little town of Bethlehem divided by a wall….. Hark the herald angel’day.He’d prefer five spoons of bread and cheese grated. I suppose it would depend on the size of the fruit,Stan answered eloquently. I do like coming here,said Dave.You discuss such intriguing things. Well,said Annie,I’d prefer to discuss what sort of shampoo is good for old hair. The hair is not old,said Dave.It grows all the time and you cut the ends off so it’s new… You know what I mean,older people’s hair can go thinner and more frizzy… even cat’s coats are not so thick when they grow old.Sometimes they have to be given tailor made winter coats and small hats. Why,are they Jewish ? teased Mary.. What do you mean ? Jewish mensometimes wear little caps or even big hats in winter to mark their respect for God, the great mystery.. I am afraid you have made an error in your logic: All Jewish men wear hats Emile wears a hat Hence Emile is Jewish, That is not a valid argument. Neither is : All boys play games. I play games Hence I am a boy. Do Jewish boys play with hats,asked Emile. No,they play with cats,Stan told him.Just like most other boys do.Why I used to spend hours trailing string across the floor to get our little kitty excited…. then one day she got really over excited and later gave birth to four kittens, You don’t think it was playing with string that caused that, Mary whispered behind her hand to Stan.They must have had a father. Yes,causation and correlation are often confused.Buying a car does not cause one to fornicate in the back seat.It just gives an extra choice to hand when the bushes and haystacks are wet Can’t we listen to some carols,said Annie nervously. We can sing one said Stan.Here is my newest. Oh,little town of Bethlehem divided by a wall….. Hark the herald angel’Well,Mary,look at you.I asked you to buy a laptiop ten years ago but you were convinced that you would never be able to learn how to use it.Clearly with your mathematical training and you love of philosophy and your three higher degrees in real and complex analysis you were judging yourself wrongly….. but why you think you can’t do certain things I am not able to say.You might date it back to always being asked to do too much as a child. Yes,said Mary.When we got an electric cooker,Mother could not work the timer but she knew I could do it.But it was only by trial and error,not to mention trial and terror. Annie said Thank God I was backward as a child so I played with dolls till I was fifteen and then I played with a boy in the shrubbery and he played with me Very nice I am sure,Mary said icily.And you still play with yourself nowI expect. How dare you said,Annie.I play by myself but not with myself. This is all very odd,thought Emile. Can a cat play with itself? Yes,I have played with my shadow on the big brick wall… all alone.Does Annie play with her shadow? That must be good fun. Suddenly the door bell rang very loudly making Stan turn green as he fell off his chair onto the red cork flooring.In ran Dave,the transexual paramedic.. Here I am and I have brought Emile 12 mice pies,he cried merrily Are they sweet or savoury ,asked Stan curiously. I dunno said Dave.I got’em in Waitclose.You could phone them. All I want to know is, were the mice raised in a suitable environment with fresh air and plenty of natural food.Are the pies full of taste enhancers and dangerous chemicals? Oh,my said Dave turning red,I only got them for Emile not for the Queen Mother. Well,Stan said, we must be consistent in life and what is wrong for one species must be wrong for all. But can you prove that,asked Mary.Suppose some mice have been eating food in a house where they only eat ready made meals and buy cakes in a supermarket.Folk in such a house would not mind their cats and the mice eating food full of all manner of preservatives,flavouring of a artificial type and going without five fruits a day.I can’t imagine a mouse eating five fruits a day.He’d prefer five spoons of bread and cheese grated. I suppose it would depend on the size of the fruit,Stan answered eloquently. I do like coming here,said Dave.You discuss such intriguing things. Well,said Annie,I’d prefer to discuss what sort of shampoo is good for old hair. The hair is not old,said Dave.It grows all the time and you cut the ends off so it’s new… You know what I mean,older people’s hair can go thinner and more frizzy… even cat’s coats are not so thick when they grow old.Sometimes they have to be given tailor made winter coats and small hats. Why,are they Jewish ? teased Mary.. What do you mean ? Jewish mensometimes wear little caps or even big hats in winter to mark their respect for God, the great mystery.. I am afraid you have made an error in your logic: All Jewish men wear hats Emile wears a hat Hence Emile is Jewish, That is not a valid argument. Neither is : All boys play games. I play games Hence I am a boy. Do Jewish boys play with hats,asked Emile. No,they play with cats,Stan told him.Just like most other boys do.Why I used to spend hours trailing string across the floor to get our little kitty excited…. then one day she got really over excited and later gave birth to four kittens, You don’t think it was playing with string that caused that, Mary whispered behind her hand to Stan.They must have had a father. Yes,causation and correlation are often confused.Buying a car does not cause one to fornicate in the back seat.It just gives an extra choice to hand when the bushes and haystacks are wet Can’t we listen to some carols,said Annie nervously. We can sing one said Stan.Here is my newest. Oh,little town of Bethlehem divided by a wall….. Hark the herald angel’Yes,said Mary.When we got an electric cooker,Mother could not work the timer but she knew I could do it.But it was only by trial and error,not to mention trial and terror. Annie said Thank God I was backward as a child so I played with dolls till I was fifteen and then I played with a boy in the shrubbery and he played with me Very nice I am sure,Mary said icily.And you still play with yourself nowI expect. How dare you said,Annie.I play by myself but not with myself. This is all very odd,thought Emile. Can a cat play with itself? Yes,I have played with my shadow on the big brick wall… all alone.Does Annie play with her shadow? That must be good fun. Suddenly the door bell rang very loudly making Stan turn green as he fell off his chair onto the red cork flooring.In ran Dave,the transexual paramedic.. Here I am and I have brought Emile 12 mice pies,he cried merrily Are they sweet or savoury ,asked Stan curiously. I dunno said Dave.I got’em in Waitclose.You could phone them. All I want to know is, were the mice raised in a suitable environment with fresh air and plenty of natural food.Are the pies full of taste enhancers and dangerous chemicals? Oh,my said Dave turning red,I only got them for Emile not for the Queen Mother. Well,Stan said, we must be consistent in life and what is wrong for one species must be wrong for all. But can you prove that,asked Mary.Suppose some mice have been eating food in a house where they only eat ready made meals and buy cakes in a supermarket.Folk in such a house would not mind their cats and the mice eating food full of all manner of preservatives,flavouring of a artificial type and going without five fruits a day.I can’t imagine a mouse eating five fruits a day.He’d prefer five spoons of bread and cheese grated. I suppose it would depend on the size of the fruit,Stan answered eloquently. I do like coming here,said Dave.You discuss such intriguing things. Well,said Annie,I’d prefer to discuss what sort of shampoo is good for old hair. The hair is not old,said Dave.It grows all the time and you cut the ends off so it’s new… You know what I mean,older people’s hair can go thinner and more frizzy… even cat’s coats are not so thick when they grow old.Sometimes they have to be given tailor made winter coats and small hats. Why,are they Jewish ? teased Mary.. What do you mean ? Jewish men sometimes wear little caps or even big hats in winter to mark their respect for God, the great mystery.. I am afraid you have made an error in your logic: All Jewish men wear hats Emile wears a hat Hence Emile is Jewish, That is not a valid argument. Neither is : All boys play games. I play games Hence I am a boy. Do Jewish boys play with hats,asked Emile. No,they play with cats,Stan told him.Just like most other boys do.Why I used to spend hours trailing string across the floor to get our little kitty excited…. then one day she got really over excited and later gave birth to four kittens, You don’t think it was playing with string that caused that, Mary whispered behind her hand to Stan.They must have had a father. Yes,causation and correlation are often confused.Buying a car does not cause one to fornicate in the back seat.It just gives an extra choice to hand when the bushes and haystacks are wet Can’t we listen to some carols,said Annie nervously. We can sing one said Stan.Here is my newest. Oh,little town of Bethlehem divided by a wall….. Hark the herald angel’Sintriguing things. Well,said Annie,I’d prefer to discuss what sort of shampoo is good for old hair. The hair is not old,said Dave.It grows all the time and you cut the ends off so it’s new… You know what I mean,older people’s hair can go thinner and more frizzy… even cat’s coats are not so thick when they grow old.Sometimes they have to be given tailor made winter coats and small hats. Why,are they Jewish ? teased Mary.. What do you mean ? Jewish mensometimes wear little caps or even big hats in winter to mark their respect for God, the great mystery.. I am afraid you have made an error in your logic: All Jewish men wear hats Emile wears a hat Hence Emile is Jewish, That is not a valid argument. Neither is : All boys play games. I play games Hence I am a boy. Do Jewish boys play with hats,asked Emile. No,they play with cats,Stan told him.Just like most other boys do.Why I used to spend hours trailing string across the floor to get our little kitty excited…. then one day she got really over excited and later gave birth to four kittens, You don’t think it was playing with string that caused that, Mary whispered behind her hand to Stan.They must have had a father. Yes,causation and correlation are often confused.Buying a car does not cause one to fornicate in the back seat.It just gives an extra choice to hand when the bushes and haystacks are wet Can’t we listen to some carols,said Annie nervously. We can sing one said Stan.Here is my newest. Oh,little town of Bethlehem divided by a wall….. Hark the herald angel’But can you prove that,asked Mary.Suppose some mice have been eating food in a house where they only eat ready made meals and buy cakes in a supermarket.Folk in such a house would not mind their cats and the mice eating food full of all manner of preservatives,flavouring of a artificial type and going without five fruits a day.I can’t imagine a mouse eating five fruits a day.He’d prefer five spoons of bread and cheese grated. I suppose it would depend on the size of the fruit,Stan answered eloquently. I do like coming here,said Dave.You discuss such intriguing things. Well,said Annie,I’d prefer to discuss what sort of shampoo is good for old hair. The hair is not old,said Dave.It grows all the time and you cut the ends off so it’s new… You know what I mean,older people’s hair can go thinner and more frizzy… even cat’s coats are not so thick when they grow old.Sometimes they have to be given tailor made winter coats and small hats. Why,are they Jewish ? teased Mary.. What do you mean ? Jewish mensometimes wear little caps or even big hats in winter to mark their respect for God, the great mystery.. I am afraid you have made an error in your logic: All Jewish men wear hats Emile wears a hat Hence Emile is Jewish, That is not a valid argument. Neither is : All boys play games. I play games Hence I am a boy. Do Jewish boys play with hats,asked Emile. No,they play with cats,Stan told him.Just like most other boys do.Why I used to spend hours trailing string across the floor to get our little kitty excited…. then one day she got really over excited and later gave birth to four kittens, You don’t think it was playing with string that caused that, Mary whispered behind her hand to Stan.They must have had a father. Yes,causation and correlation are often confused.Buying a car does not cause one to fornicate in the back seat.It just gives an extra choice to hand when the bushes and haystacks are wet Can’t we listen to some carols,said Annie nervously. We can sing one said Stan.Here is my newest. Oh,little town of Bethlehem divided by a wall….. Hark the herald angel’I suppose it would depend on the size of the fruit,Stan answered eloquently. I do like coming here,said Dave.You discuss such intriguing things. Well,said Annie,I’d prefer to discuss what sort of shampoo is good for old hair. The hair is not old,said Dave.It grows all the time and you cut the ends off so it’s new… You know what I mean,older people’s hair can go thinner and more frizzy… even cat’s coats are not so thick when they grow old.Sometimes they have to be given tailor made winter coats and small hats. Why,are they Jewish ? teased Mary.. What do you mean ? Jewish mensometimes wear little caps or even big hats in winter to mark their respect for God, the great mystery.. I am afraid you have made an error in your logic: All Jewish men wear hats Emile wears a hat Hence Emile is Jewish, That is not a valid argument. Neither is : All boys play games. I play games Hence I am a boy. Do Jewish boys play with hats,asked Emile. No,they play with cats,Stan told him.Just like most other boys do.Why I used to spend hours trailing string across the floor to get our little kitty excited…. then one day she got really over excited and later gave birth to four kittens, You don’t think it was playing with string that caused that, Mary whispered behind her hand to Stan.They must have had a father. Yes,causation and correlation are often confused.Buying a car does not cause one to fornicate in the back seat.It just gives an extra choice to hand when the bushes and haystacks are wet Can’t we listen to some carols,said Annie nervously. We can sing one said Stan.Here is my newest. Oh,little town of Bethlehem divided by a wall….. Hark the herald angel’I do like coming here,said Dave.You discuss such intriguing things. Well,said Annie,I’d prefer to discuss what sort of shampoo is good for old hair. The hair is not old,said Dave.It grows all the time and you cut the ends off so it’s new… You know what I mean,older people’s hair can go thinner and more frizzy… even cat’s coats are not so thick when they grow old.Sometimes they have to be given tailor made winter coats and small hats. Why,are they Jewish ? teased Mary.. What do you mean ? Jewish mensometimes wear little caps or even big hats in winter to mark their respect for God, the great mystery.. I am afraid you have made an error in your logic: All Jewish men wear hats Emile wears a hat Hence Emile is Jewish, That is not a valid argument. Neither is : All boys play games. I play games Hence I am a boy. Do Jewish boys play with hats,asked Emile. No,they play with cats,Stan told him.Just like most other boys do.Why I used to spend hours trailing string across the floor to get our little kitty excited…. then one day she got really over excited and later gave birth to four kittens, You don’t think it was playing with string that caused that, Mary whispered behind her hand to Stan.They must have had a father. Yes,causation and correlation are often confused.Buying a car does not cause one to fornicate in the back seat.It just gives an extra choice to hand when the bushes and haystacks are wet Can’t we listen to some carols,said Annie nervously. We can sing one said Stan.Here is my newest. Oh,little town of Bethlehem divided by a wall….. Hark the herald angel’The hair is not old,said Dave.It grows all the time and you cut the ends off so it’s you can’t do certain things I am not able to say.You might date it back to always being asked to do too much as a child. Yes,said Mary.When we got an electric cooker,Mother could not work the timer but she knew I could do it.But it was only by trial and error,not to mention trial and terror. Annie said Thank God I was backward as a child so I played with dolls till I was fifteen and then I played with a boy in the shrubbery and he played with me Very nice I am sure,Mary said icily.And you still play with yourself nowI expect. How dare you said,Annie.I play by myself but not with myself. This is all very odd,thought Emile. Can a cat play with itself? Yes,I have played with my shadow on the big brick wall… all alone.Does Annie play with her shadow? That must be good fun. Suddenly the door bell rang very loudly making Stan turn green as he fell off his chair onto the red cork flooring.In ran Dave,the transexual paramedic.. Here I am and I have brought Emile 12 mice pies,he cried merrily Are they sweet or savoury ,asked Stan curiously. I dunno said Dave.I got’em in Waitclose.You could phone them. All I want to know is, were the mice raised in a suitable environment with fresh air and plenty of natural food.Are the pies full of taste enhancers and dangerous chemicals? Oh,my said Dave turning red,I only got them for Emile not for the Queen Mother. Well,Stan said, we must be consistent in life and what is wrong for one species must be wrong for all. But can you prove that,asked Mary.Suppose some mice have been eating food in a house where they only eat ready made meals and buy cakes in a supermarket.Folk in such a house would not mind their cats and the mice eating food full of all manner of preservatives,flavouring of a artificial type and going without five fruits a day.I can’t imagine a mouse eating five fruits a day.He’d prefer five spoons of bread and cheese grated. I suppose it would depend on the size of the fruit,Stan answered eloquently. I do like coming here,said Dave.You discuss such intriguing things. Well,said Annie,I’d prefer to discuss what sort of shampoo is good for old hair. The hair is not old,said Dave.It grows all the time and you cut the ends off so it’s new… You know what I mean,older people’s hair can go thinner and more frizzy… even cat’s coats are not so thick when they grow old.Sometimes they have to be given tailor made winter coats and small hats. Why,are they Jewish ? teased Mary.. What do you mean ? Jewish mensometimes wear little caps or even big hats in winter to mark their respect for God, the great mystery.. I am afraid you have made an error in your logic: All Jewish men wear hats Emile wears a hat Hence Emile is Jewish, That is not a valid argument. Neither is : All boys play games. I play games Hence I am a boy. Do Jewish boys play with hats,asked Emile. No,they play with cats,Stan told him.Just like most other boys do.Why I used to spend hours trailing string across the floor to get our little kitty excited…. then one day she got really over excited and later gave birth to four kittens, You don’t think it was playing with string that caused that, Mary whispered behind her hand to Stan.They must have had a father. Yes,causation and correlation are often confused.Buying a car does not cause one to fornicate in the back seat.It just gives an extra choice to hand when the bushes and haystacks are wet Can’t we listen to some carols,said Annie nervously. We can sing one said Stan.Here is my newest. Oh,little town of Bethlehem divided by a wall….. Hark the herald angel’Hi,Stan,Hi Mary,can I come in and have a chat now? It was Annie their stunning neighbour wearing a long green tartan wool skirt and a cashmere and merino jumper of ocean blue. Her eyeshadow was teal and her lipstick was pale pink and shiney like a well polished mirrror. Why Annie,you match the kitchen,said Stan.You will have to move in. Where would I sleep? she enquired roguishly In the dog’s basket.It’s quite big… it was made for a St Bernard You don’t have any dog,Annie cried through her luscious wasp stung pink glowing lips. There’s no law that stops cat owners buying dog baskets.Stan said humorously. But it seems silly to me,Annie murmured.A waste of money. Well,we did think that if someone wanted to stay over they could sleep in it. What a strange idea when you have a five bedroomed house with 3 en suites and a sprinkler in the garden. Well,we had the dog basket when we lived in a small flat and have never updated our mental set ups.Stan lectured manfully. How do we update our mental set ups,asked Mary with a twinkle in her large blue and singularly beautiful eyes. Well,Mary,look at you.I asked you to buy a laptiop ten years ago but you were convinced that you would never be able to learn how to use it.Clearly with your mathematical training and you love of philosophy and your three higher degrees in real and complex analysis you were judging yourself wrongly….. but why you think you can’t do certain things I am not able to say.You might date it back to always being asked to do too much as a child. Yes,said Mary.When we got an electric cooker,Mother could not work the timer but she knew I could do it.But it was only by trial and error,not to mention trial and terror. Annie said Thank God I was backward as a child so I played with dolls till I was fifteen and then I played with a boy in the shrubbery and he played with me Very nice I am sure,Mary said icily.And you still play with yourself nowI expect. How dare you said,Annie.I play by myself but not with myself. This is all very odd,thought Emile. Can a cat play with itself? Yes,I have played with my shadow on the big brick wall… all alone.Does Annie play with her shadow? That must be good fun. Suddenly the door bell rang very loudly making Stan turn green as he fell off his chair onto the red cork flooring.In ran Dave,the transexual paramedic.. Here I am and I have brought Emile 12 mice pies,he cried merrily Are they sweet or savoury ,asked Stan curiously. I dunno said Dave.I got’em in Waitclose.You could phone them. All I want to know is, were the mice raised in a suitable environment with fresh air and plenty of natural food.Are the pies full of taste enhancers and dangerous chemicals? Oh,my said Dave turning red,I only got them for Emile not for the Queen Mother. Well,Stan said, we must be consistent in life and what is wrong for one species must be wrong for all. But can you prove that,asked Mary.Suppose some mice have been eating food in a house where they only eat ready made meals and buy cakes in a supermarket.Folk in such a house would not mind their cats and the mice eating food full of all manner of preservatives,flavouring of a artificial type and going without five fruits a day.I can’t imagine a mouse eating five fruits a day.He’d prefer five spoons of bread and cheese grated. I suppose it would depend on the size of the fruit,Stan answered eloquently. I do like coming here,said Dave.You discuss such intriguing things. Well,said Annie,I’d prefer to discuss what sort of shampoo is good for old hair. The hair is not old,said Dave.It grows all the time and you cut the ends off so it’s new… You know what I mean,older people’s hair can go thinner and more frizzy… even cat’s coats are not so thick when they grow old.Sometimes they have to be given tailor made winter coats and small hats. Why,are they Jewish ? teased Mary.. What do you mean ? Jewish mensometimes wear little caps or even big hats in winter to mark their respect for God, the great mystery.. I am afraid you have made an error in your logic: All Jewish men wear hats Emile wears a hat Hence Emile is Jewish, That is not a valid argument. Neither is : All boys play games. I play games Hence I am a boy. Do Jewish boys play with hats,asked Emile. No,they play with cats,Stan told him.Just like most other boys do.Why I used to spend hours trailing string across the floor to get our little kitty excited…. then one day she got really over excited and later gave birth to four kittens, You don’t think it was playing with string that caused that, Mary whispered behind her hand to Stan.They must have had a father. Yes,causation and correlation are often confused.Buying a car does not cause one to fornicate in the back seat.It just gives an extra choice to hand when the bushes and haystacks are wet Can’t we listen to some carols,said Annie nervously. We can sing one said Stan.Here is my newest. Oh,little town of Bethlehem divided by a wall….. Hark the herald angel’Why Annie,you match the kitchen,said Stan.You will have to move in. Where would I sleep? she enquired roguishly In the dog’s basket.It’s quite big… it was made for a St Bernard You don’t have any dog,Annie cried through her luscious wasp stung pink glowing lips. There’s no law that stops cat owners buying dog baskets.Stan said humorously. But it seems silly to me,Annie murmured.A waste of money. Well,we did think that if someone wanted to stay over they could sleep in it. What a strange idea when you have a five bedroomed house with 3 en suites and a sprinkler in the garden. Well,we had the dog basket when we lived in a small flat and have never updated our mental set ups.Stan lectured manfully. How do we update our mental set ups,asked Mary with a twinkle in her large blue and singularly beautiful eyes. Well,Mary,look at you.I asked you to buy a laptiop ten years ago but you were convinced that you would never be able to learn how to use it.Clearly with your mathematical training and you love of philosophy and your three higher degrees in real and complex analysis you were judging yourself wrongly….. but why you think you can’t do certain things I am not able to say.You might date it back to always being asked to do too much as a child. Yes,said Mary.When we got an electric cooker,Mother could not work the timer but she knew I could do it.But it was only by trial and error,not to mention trial and terror. Annie said Thank God I was backward as a child so I played with dolls till I was fifteen and then I played with a boy in the shrubbery and he played with me Very nice I am sure,Mary said icily.And you still play with yourself nowI expect. How dare you said,Annie.I play by myself but not with myself. This is all very odd,thought Emile. Can a cat play with itself? Yes,I have played with my shadow on the big brick wall… all alone.Does Annie play with her shadow? That must be good fun. Suddenly the door bell rang very loudly making Stan turn green as he fell off his chair onto the red cork flooring.In ran Dave,the transexual paramedic.. Here I am and I have brought Emile 12 mice pies,he cried merrily Are they sweet or savoury ,asked Stan curiously. I dunno said Dave.I got’em in Waitclose.You could phone them. All I want to know is, were the mice raised in a suitable environment with fresh air and plenty of natural food.Are the pies full of taste enhancers and dangerous chemicals? Oh,my said Dave turning red,I only got them for Emile not for the Queen Mother. Well,Stan said, we must be consistent in life and what is wrong for one species must be wrong for all. But can you prove that,asked Mary.Suppose some mice have been eating food in a house where they only eat ready made meals and buy cakes in a supermarket.Folk in such a house would not mind their cats and the mice eating food full of all manner of preservatives,flavouring of a artificial type and going without five fruits a day.I can’t imagine a mouse eating five fruits a day.He’d prefer five spoons of bread and cheese grated. I suppose it would depend on the size of the fruit,Stan answered eloquently. I do like coming here,said Dave.You discuss such intriguing things. Well,said Annie,I’d prefer to discuss what sort of shampoo is good for old hair. The hair is not old,said Dave.It grows all the time and you cut the ends off so it’s new… You know what I mean,older people’s hair can go thinner and more frizzy… even cat’s coats are not so thick when they grow old.Sometimes they have to be given tailor made winter coats and small hats. Why,are they Jewish ? teased Mary.. What do you mean ? Jewish mensometimes wear little caps or even big hats in winter to mark their respect for God, the great mystery.. I am afraid you have made an error in your logic: All Jewish men wear hats Emile wears a hat Hence Emile is Jewish, That is not a valid argument. Neither is : All boys play games. I play games Hence I am a boy. Do Jewish boys play with hats,asked Emile. No,they play with cats,Stan told him.Just like most other boys do.Why I used to spend hours trailing string across the floor to get our little kitty excited…. then one day she got really over excited and later gave birth to four kittens, You don’t think it was playing with string that caused that, Mary whispered behind her hand to Stan.They must have had a father. Yes,causation and correlation are often confused.Buying a car does not cause one to fornicate in the back seat.It just gives an extra choice to hand when the bushes and haystacks are wet Can’t we listen to some carols,said Annie nervously. We can sing one said Stan.Here is my newest. Oh,little town of Bethlehem divided by a wall….. Hark the herald angels twang’had a father. Yes,causation and correlation are often confused.Buying a car does not cause one to fornicate in the back seat.It just gives an extra choice to hand when the bushes and haystacks are wet Can’t we listen to some carols,said Annie nervously. We can sing one said Stan.Here is my newest. Oh,little town of Bethlehem divided by a wall….. Hark the herald angel’But it seems silly to me,Annie murmured.A waste of money. Well,we did think that if someone wanted to stay over they could sleep in it. What a strange idea when you have a five bedroomed house with 3 en suites and a sprinkler in the garden. Well,we had the dog basket when we lived in a small flat and have never updated our mental set ups.Stan lectured manfully. How do we update our mental set ups,asked Mary with a twinkle in her large blue and singularly beautiful eyes. Well,Mary,look at you.I asked you to buy a laptiop ten years ago but you were convinced that you would never be able to learn how to use it.Clearly with your mathematical training and you love of philosophy and your three higher degrees in real and complex analysis you were judging yourself wrongly….. but why you think you can’t do certain things I am not able to say.You might date it back to always being asked to do too much as a child. Yes,said Mary.When we got an electric cooker,Mother could not work the timer but she knew I could do it.But it was only by trial and error,not to mention trial and terror. Annie said Thank God I was backward as a child so I played with dolls till I was fifteen and then I played with a boy in the shrubbery and he played with me Very nice I am sure,Mary said icily.And you still play with yourself nowI expect. How dare you said,Annie.I play by myself but not with myself. This is all very odd,thought Emile. Can a cat play with itself? Yes,I have played with my shadow on the big brick wall… all alone.Does Annie play with her shadow? That must be good fun. Suddenly the door bell rang very loudly making Stan turn green as he fell off his chair onto the red cork flooring.In ran Dave,the transexual paramedic.. Here I am and I have brought Emile 12 mice pies,he cried merrily Are they sweet or savoury ,asked Stan curiously. I dunno said Dave.I got’em in Waitclose.You could phone them. All I want to know is, were the mice raised in a suitable environment with fresh air and plenty of natural food.Are the pies full of taste enhancers and dangerous chemicals? Oh,my said Dave turning red,I only got them for Emile not for the Queen Mother. Well,Stan said, we must be consistent in life and what is wrong for one species must be wrong for all. But can you prove that,asked Mary.Suppose some mice have been eating food in a house where they only eat ready made meals and buy cakes in a supermarket.Folk in such a house would not mind their cats and the mice eating food full of all manner of preservatives,flavouring of a artificial type and going without five fruits a day.I can’t imagine a mouse eating five fruits a day.He’d prefer five spoons of bread and cheese grated. I suppose it would depend on the size of the fruit,Stan answered eloquently. I do like coming here,said Dave.You discuss such intriguing things. Well,said Annie,I’d prefer to discuss what sort of shampoo is good for old hair. The hair is not old,said Dave.It grows all the time and you cut the ends off so it’s new… You know what I mean,older people’s hair can go thinner and more frizzy… even cat’s coats are not so thick when they grow old.Sometimes they have to be given tailor made winter coats and small hats. Why,are they Jewish ? teased Mary.. What do you mean ? Jewish mensometimes wear little caps or even big hats in winter to mark their respect for God, the great mystery.. I am afraid you have made an error in your logic: All Jewish men wear hats Emile wears a hat Hence Emile is Jewish, That is not a valid argument. Neither is : All boys play games. I play games Hence I am a boy. Do Jewish boys play with hats,asked Emile. No,they play with cats,Stan told him.Just like most other boys do.Why I used to spend hours trailing string across the floor to get our little kitty excited…. then one day she got really over excited and later gave birth to four kittens, You don’t think it was playing with string that caused that, Mary whispered behind her hand to Stan.They must have had a father. Yes,causation and correlation are often confused.Buying a car does not cause one to fornicate in the back seat.It just gives an extra choice to hand when the bushes and haystacks are wet Can’t we listen to some carols,said Annie nervously. We can sing one said Stan.Here is my newest. Oh,little town of Bethlehem divided by a wall….. Hark the herald angel’shampoo is good for old hair. The hair is not old,said Dave.It grows all the time and you cut the ends off so it’s new… You know what I mean,older people’s hair can go thinner and more frizzy… even cat’s coats are not so thick when they grow old.Sometimes they have to be given tailor made winter coats and small hats. Why,are they Jewish ? teased Mary.. What do you mean ? Jewish mensometimes wear little caps or even big hats in winter to mark their respect for God, the great mystery.. I am afraid you have made an error in your logic: All Jewish men wear hats Emile wears a hat Hence Emile is Jewish, That is not a valid argument. Neither is : All boys play games. I play games Hence I am a boy. Do Jewish boys play with hats,asked Emile. No,they play with cats,Stan told him.Just like most other boys do.Why I used to spend hours trailing string across the floor to get our little kitty excited…. then one day she got really over excited and later gave birth to four kittens, You don’t think it was playing with string that caused that, Mary whispered behind her hand to Stan.They must have had a father. Yes,causation and correlation are often confused.Buying a car does not cause one to fornicate in the back seat.It just gives an extra choice to hand when the bushes and haystacks are wet Can’t we listen to some carols,said Annie nervously. We can sing one said Stan.Here is my newest. Oh,little town of Bethlehem divided by a wall….. Hark the herald angel’just gives an extra choice to hand when the bushes and haystacks are wet Can’t we listen to some carols,said Annie nervously. We can sing one said Stan.Here is my newest. Oh,little town of Bethlehem divided by a wall….. Hark the herald angel’This is all very odd,thought Emile. Can a cat play with itself? Yes,I have played with my shadow on the big brick wall… all alone.Does Annie play with her shadow? That must be good fun. Suddenly the door bell rang very loudly making Stan turn green as he fell off his chair onto the red cork flooring.In ran Dave,the transexual paramedic.. Here I am and I have brought Emile 12 mice pies,he cried merrily Are they sweet or savoury ,asked Stan curiously. I dunno said Dave.I got’em in Waitclose.You could phone them. All I want to know is, were the mice raised in a suitable environment with fresh air and plenty of natural food.Are the pies full of taste enhancers and dangerous chemicals? Oh,my said Dave turning red,I only got them for Emile not for the Queen Mother. Well,Stan said, we must be consistent in life and what is wrong for one species must be wrong for all. But can you prove that,asked Mary.Suppose some mice have been eating food in a house where they only eat ready made meals and buy cakes in a supermarket.Folk in such a house would not mind their cats and the mice eating food full of all manner of preservatives,flavouring of a artificial type and going without five fruits a day.I can’t imagine a mouse eating five fruits a day.He’d prefer five spoons of bread and cheese grated. I suppose it would depend on the size of the fruit,Stan answered eloquently. I do like coming here,said Dave.You discuss such intriguing things. Well,said Annie,I’d prefer to discuss what sort of shampoo is good for old hair. The hair is not old,said Dave.It grows all the time and you cut the ends off so it’s new… You know what I mean,older people’s hair can go thinner and more frizzy… even cat’s coats are not so thick when they grow old.Sometimes they have to be given tailor made winter coats and small hats. Why,are they Jewish ? teased Mary.. What do you mean ? Jewish mensometimes wear little caps or even big hats in winter to mark their respect for God, the great mystery.. I am afraid you have made an error in your logic: All Jewish men wear hats Emile wears a hat Hence Emile is Jewish, That is not a valid argument. Neither is : All boys play games. I play games Hence I am a boy. Do Jewish boys play with hats,asked Emile. No,they play with cats,Stan told him.Just like most other boys do.Why I used to spend hours trailing string across the floor to get our little kitty excited…. then one day she got really over excited and later gave birth to four kittens, You don’t think it was playing with string that caused that, Mary whispered behind her hand to Stan.They must have had a father. Yes,causation and correlation are often confused.Buying a car does not cause one to fornicate in the back seat.It just gives an extra choice to hand when the bushes and haystacks are wet Can’t we listen to some carols,said Annie nervously. We can sing one said Stan.Here is my newest. Oh,little town of Bethlehem divided by a wall….. Hark the herald angel’Suddenly the door bell rang very loudly making Stan turn green as he fell off his chair onto the red cork flooring.In ran Dave,the transexual paramedic.. Here I am and I have brought Emile 12 mice pies,he cried merrily Are they sweet or savoury ,asked Stan curiously. I dunno said Dave.I got’em in Waitclose.You could phone them. All I want to know is, were the mice raised in a suitable environment with fresh air and plenty of natural food.Are the pies full of taste enhancers and dangerous chemicals? Oh,my said Dave turning red,I only got them for Emile not for the Queen Mother. Well,Stan said, we must be consistent in life and what is wrong for one species must be wrong for all. But can you prove that,asked Mary.Suppose some mice have been eating food in a house where they only eat ready made meals and buy cakes in a supermarket.Folk in such a house would not mind their cats and the mice eating food full of all manner of preservatives,flavouring of a artificial type and going without five fruits a day.I can’t imagine a mouse eating five fruits a day.He’d prefer five spoons of bread and cheese grated. I suppose it would depend on the size of the fruit,Stan answered eloquently. I do like coming here,said Dave.You discuss such intriguing things. Well,said Annie,I’d prefer to discuss what sort of shampoo is good for old hair. The hair is not old,said Dave.It grows all the time and you cut the ends off so it’s new… You know what I mean,older people’s hair can go thinner and more frizzy… even cat’s coats are not so thick when they grow old.Sometimes they have to be given tailor made winter coats and small hats. Why,are they Jewish ? teased Mary.. What do you mean ? Jewish mensometimes wear little caps or even big hats in winter to mark their respect for God, the great mystery.. I am afraid you have made an error in your logic: All Jewish men wear hats Emile wears a hat Hence Emile is Jewish, That is not a valid argument. Neither is : All boys play games. I play games Hence I am a boy. Do Jewish boys play with hats,asked Emile. No,they play with cats,Stan told him.Just like most other boys do.Why I used to spend hours trailing string across the floor to get our little kitty excited…. then one day she got really over excited and later gave birth to four kittens, You don’t think it was playing with string that caused that, Mary whispered behind her hand to Stan.They must have had a father. Yes,causation and correlation are often confused.Buying a car does not cause one to fornicate in the back seat.It just gives an extra choice to hand when the bushes and haystacks are wet Can’t we listen to some carols,said Annie nervously. We can sing one said Stan.Here is my newest. Oh,little town of Bethlehem divided by a wall….. Hark the herald angel’s twang.
Month: December 2014
The most ridiculous day in hours
The doctor who came last week gave me antibiotics which would help
both my lungs and my kidneys….so what happens.His majesty having seen me keeping them on the floor,in my so called “handbag” otherwise known as a suitcase,on the table,in my cleavage. decided that they should be in the fridge.Which seemed a good idea at the time……
Last night they had gone awol… we stayed up late trying to find them.
In the morning of today which seems as far away as Venus,I phoned the surgery and told them that as we are both unwell we can’t go to the chemist ourselves but at 10 am a driver starts a delivery run…So just a word with the doctor… I rang again about 9.40 an hour and a half after my first call and the receptionist who was naughty before informed me she could not guarantee that he would phone before 10 am…..she seemed very happy to tell me that.
I wondered about 111 but at five minutes to ten the doctor rang.He tried to persuade me I did not need the other ones… but my faith in the out of hours doctor who used a stethoscope and examined me is stronger than my faith in my doctors in the practice.
He said I had told him I was better last week.I responded I said I was better than I had been but as he never saw me or heard me cough it was not very sensible to believe him…as his antibiotics did no good… unless say.I might have got leprosy or TB without them… so scientific..
The pest controller Peter was very worried when I coughed.
The doctor did email the pharmacy and I got the antibiotics at lunchtime.I shall finish the course….because I feel better enough to think I can imagine getting better which I could not imagine 2 days ago.
It is so hard getting real help from a GP now.They are definitely overworked.But sometimes they do need to make a short visit to a patient….We made few demands on them during the long spell of double cancer treatment and moods moving round and about like birches swaying violently in a hurricane… but just surviving..
They get rid if the cancer and then you might get some serious infection owing to lack of energy to fight marauders.
The out of hours service is better in many ways here but not everywhere….
I should have seen the surgeon yesterday but it will be 7 weeks ahead now.I can’t go into a hospital whilst I might spread my bug.
Share this:
The flames from Hell’s coals
The sorrows of the world bite our souls.
The daily grind makes us like moles
We don’t see the light
when we work through the night.
All we see are the flames from hell’s coals
Share this:
Words are like beads on a chain
1.
Words are like beads on a chain
Alone they can’t take any strain.
But joined up in gold
A sentence can mold
A prayer is repeated again.
2
Words cluster in larger groups
Waiting for writers to stoop..
Then instead of one word
A sentence is heard,
Some call this poetry soup.
3.
Professors do not create words,
which from the unconscious are lured
They only critique
What you and I speak.
After conversing and writing,that’s third.
Share this:
In this chant and benediction
Signs and symbols guide the route.
Love gives the soul her appetite.
Though the night is black and starless,
The inner guide is never careless.
The notes are struck,the tune is played,
Plain melodies are overlaid.
In this chant and benediction,
Healing comes for desolation.
Though the passage way is narrow,
This road is the one to follow.
Struggling through the mud and mire,
We see,in darkness, tongues of fire.
The sacred centre of our life
Is never found without some strife.
Just then, the dark and light combine.
To create a symbol for the mind
Share this:
Songs of the year.Part 1.
#
I say to myself,what a blunder filled world.
Silent bite,holy spite.
It’s the wrong way to Tipperary.
Back up your troubles. in your old knit bag with our new app.
There’ll be blue words over the white stiffs of Dover.
This is the war that blend all wars and then adds more.
When they bombed Neasden,it was the wrong way to go
Friendly liars killed troops on board a warship.
Sing something dimpled
I like lieder,he likes lieder,yay yah yoh,yoah,more.
Singalong for the truce to come
I’m a number,Jack,I sneer all day.
We wronged thee,see the woe.
Oh.little town of Bethlehem divided by the Wall
Jesus wants me for a fruitcake.
It’s wrong to see thee so
It’s numb,all ye faithful.
I tested till declase,day class dateclass
We used this word I spelled declase when I was a child… it means tired,overworked,mind can’t continue… anyone heard that before?I have never heard others use it,only my family
Share this:
Gathering floss
I told him it’d be a crime and a sin which is an achievement of sorts .. Satan’s.
The whip of the iceberg struck my face like a frozen crumpet unbuttered and unjammed.
If two hearts meet then run fast. if one is yours
I was so feverish I was waiting for the dust to prattle and the skittle to boil.
when all is said in fun,where is the boundary of a heart?
Wish up an all night bar and dream of being high in flight
He spoke a word that he left as a token..love.He wrote it in the phone directory.What does it vindicate?
He literally clawed at my lemon tart.. imagine what followed that..
You held onto my cart so I took you to the till and bought you for home delivery later on
He makes the sun whine when he’s down and if he’s up, he’s out with a bore
He put my heart on a pyre for his pleasure
You bored my heart so I went to the River Severn instead of meeting you
Flung over a hedge by a lover,she landed in a meadow full of flowers which made a wonderful change from his glowers
I don’t mention your cheating heart as I am unsure if you have any heart at all
Your lying heart misled me into a fair ground and I went on the ghost train.What a terror.
Please relive me,let me glow.
I feel I am gathering dross today and it’s all mizz.
Share this:
Why all research findings are false
This is a beautiful well writtrn srticlr
(Disclaimer: For those who have not seen this blog before, I must again point out that the views expressed here are those of the demonic Devil’s Neuroscientist, not those of the poor hapless Sam Schwarzkopf whose body I am possessing. We may occasionally agree on some things but we disagree on many more. So if you disagree with me feel free to discuss with me on this blog but please leave him alone)
In my previous post I discussed the proposal that all¹ research studies should be preregistered. This is perhaps one of the most tumultuous ideas that are being pushed as a remedy for what ails modern science. There are of course others, such as the push for “open science”, that is, demands for free access to all publications, transparent post-publication review, and sharing of all data collected for experiments. This debate has even become entangled with age-old faith…
View original post 4,475 more words
Share this:
Weekly Photo Challenge: Renewal
Related articles
- Weekly Photo Challenge: Renewal (autumninbruges.wordpress.com)
- Weekly Photo Challenge: Renewal (nofixedplans5.wordpress.com)
- Weekly Photo Challenge: Renewal 2 (cardinalguzman.wordpress.com)
- Weekly Photo Challenge : Renewal (abdulmanafphotography.wordpress.com)
- Weekly Photo Challenge: Renewal (jinancitydailyphoto.wordpress.com)
- Weekly Photo Challenge: RENEWAL (smartntrendymom.wordpress.com)
- Weekly Photo Challenge: Renewal (myawakeninglife.com)
- Weekly Photo Challenge: Renewal (thepetalpusher.wordpress.com)
- Weekly Pfoto Challenge: Renewal (mothergrogan.wordpress.com)
- Weekly Photo Challenge: Renewal (warmhotchocolate.com)
Share this:
the memory lasts
midsummer days evoke the trancelike past
where children played in joyous, daisied fields
with buttercups so bright the memory lasts
a freedom that our conscious growth will steal.
those stones and leaves and many coloured flowers
were gathered into images that glow
yet later we forget those treasured hours
when for a while we lived in life’s deep flow
we did not look and see,but felt at one
we lived as did the birds high in the trees
now we see and write yet experiencing has gone
we no longer live like flowers filled with bees
to lose ourselves in nature is a joy
which to our adult selves we must restore
Share this:
Come back, beggar man
I saw you on the pavement
with your old brown dog
You were shabby,poor,ragged,
Sat on your tartan rug.
You had water for the dog,
You hugged him and you sang,
But the people walked on by,
And no-one looked at you.
No-one looked at you.
But you still sang your song.
And you sent me so much love
It crossed from eye to eye.
I felt it coming in.
I heard that you had died,
Though you were only thirty three.
Only thirty three.
I wonder,where’s your dog?
I felt our souls had touched,
You gave to me so much
As I wandered in my grief
Through the roads and round the streets.
In your glance, you touched my heart.
I felt love swimming through,
From you right into me.
Will you come again?
I see all these dim, grey men
Who cut your benefits
To give more wealth to few;
So that the needle’s eye,
which is waiting when we die,
is forgotten, for they want
protection for their wealth.
I wish that beggar man
would come back here again.
I liked to hear his songs
But I can’t recall the tunes;
Maybe I’ll write songs myself,
That’s the highest sort of wealth
Our creativity
Is a path to dignity.
Come back every one!
I wish you had not gone.
come back in my dreams
and give me some new themes.
I’m singing like you sung.
it’s this world that’s so wrong.
come back beggar man,
I knew you were the One
Share this:
Say no more
-
Pray,Father,give me a good blessing.It’s ten weeks since my last decision.
What was that,my dear?
To lose my Catholic Faith,Father!
Why are you here in that case?
I can’t manage t lose it!
Well, you are not trying hard enough,my child
My wife says i’m very trying.
Your wife?I thought you were a woman yourself!
Yes,I’m a lesbian now.
Do you practise it?
I don’t need more training,I’m really good at it all .
That’s a sin for a lesbian…
Thank God.I have a sin to confess…I was lost for words
More than one sin if you are married.
Why,does marriage make one more sinful?
It gives you more temptation
That’s why you get married,so you can be tempted and give in
Catholic lesbians are not allowed to marry
You mean we should be living in sin?
No,you should be chaste
I am often chased by men.Does that count?
You know I don’t mean that… you are teasing me.
Well,I saw you running after me last week
It’s not my fault if you are running in front of me.
I was walking till I saw you coming!
Well,at least I’m normal.
Is it normal for a man of 89 to run after women?
Don’t worry,I have not caught one yet.
But it’s the principle of it.Well, anyway,I went to Holland and married a blonde poet.
Are there any left?
Look here,I am the sinner tonight!
So am I.
This is not a competition
Yes,it is!
Oh, no.Please give me absolution now
Right, your penance is to stop hailing Mary and whatever else you do in bed with her.
She’ll be so sad… is that a good idea?
Well,I don’t know.Life is confusing.Giving up one sin causes another one.What am I to say?
I believe if you love anyone properly it is never a sin
Well,that’s worth musing on amidst the News of war and murder.
I stole a lemon pie from a shop.Now that is a real good old fashioned sin.
MMmmmmmm give me half and we’ll say no more.
No more.
No more
Share this:
He cooks up spam
Oh my dentist is handsome,a very fine man
He seduces women with his frying pan.
He cooks them eggs and fries them ham
And just now and then, he cooks up spam.
He knows all the wiles and the tricks of the trade
To win the hearts of the charming young maids.
yet when they see him in his surgery
They pick up their handbags.And out they flee.
So now he’s decided to charm the older ones
By making jam and cooking scones.
He makes them tea and pours it out.
his tea pot has a very large spout!
He plays soft music and says a few kind words
Then he tells ladies how to calculate irrational surds.
It worked on me and now I am
Totally in love with this most intriguing man.
I boil his hankies on the kitchen fire
And write him poetry he says is rather dire.
But when we go to lie down on his couch
A spring is sticking up,so he screams.Ouch,ouch.
So now I suggested we use the surgery,
As that reclining chair is big enough for three..
For I always take my cat on dates with me
he likes to lie just behind my knee.
But my dentist does not want to have Henry there
He thinks his dental chair will be ruined Henry’s hair..
I offered to clean it with a kitchen cloth
As I’m sure I can get all those cat hair’s off!
I sit here waiting,wondering will he call-
A fate that is common to us women, men and all.
But when at last the bell begins to go
Alas I was listening to my radio.
So consummation is deferred again
I feel quite sorry for this lovely gentleman.
though now I’ve taught him how to send a text
He ‘s not sent one yet so I ‘m feeling deeply vexed.
I have a feeling this love is too bizarre
Making out in the dentist’s surgery chair.
So now I’m thinking of how a doctor’d be,
And wondering if he would allow me to sit upon his knee?
Share this:
My face
Share this:
How about a worm?
Hello,dear.What can I do for you this morning?
Oh,I’ve got a nasty pain in my conundrum,doctor.
Are you being careful?
I’m always careful.
No,I mean, are you using a euphemism?
No,I am on the pill.Is a euphemism better for dealing with conundrums?
Conundra…
I’ve never heard of a conundra.
Look,what is really wrong with you?
It’s a complete conundrum to me.
Well,it will be so for me unless you tell me where and what it is.
It’s a pain in my testicle.
But you are a lady.
That’s what people think.
Well,surely somebody would have seen it.
It’s only just dropped.
That’s odd.
Yes,it is as usually testicles come in pairs.
I don’t know what to say.
Well,it’s conundrum.
Maybe I should examine you.
I am in a hurry and you need a chaperone.
No,I can use gloves.
What,put a glove on my testicle!
Well,let’s just wait and see whether it progresses.Come back if you feel worried about it.
Is it wrong to be a hermaphrodite?
What a stupid question.How can it be wrong when you don’t control it.
Yes ,being a hermaphrodite does give one stronger sexual desires as like with a worm there’s more possibilities.
I really don’t fancy sex with a worm myself
But if you loved it the worm
They have no faces so they all look the same.
They used to say all black people looked the same to the whites even though they have eyes and faces and expressions.
Do we need faces to love?
We need them to kiss.And what is life without a kiss?
Ask a worm.They seem to have a good life with no wars and worries.
No,they can’t use guns,can they?
Well,not to shoot with.
So the answer is to get rid of people and just have worms. and beetles.
The way the world is going this may happen quite soon.
It’s a terrible conundrum..
Well,I am very euphemistic.
Do you mean optimistic?
Bang
And that is the end of the world tonight.
BBC the world’s best broadcaster,bringing you all the conundrums a person needs after death
Share this:
Dear John
Dear John
I am in the doldrums and feel as if I am stuck for ever .So to escspr I have bought a motor bike and am going to Cornwall for New Year.
Your dinner is on page 14.Remember it’s the Sabbath now so don’t fry bacon as the new neighbours might smell it.
That’s rhe one problem of being a British Jew…..there is no real alternative to egg and bacon as a British dish.However if pigs can be made into sliced bacon surely some clever person can cure lamb and make it into a similar thing..think about it… this could be your moment… we might get rich and live in a white house like my dream.
Still as I am also a Catholic and it’s Friday we ought to have had fish and chips…..I must hurry or you might come back and find me here writing this letter which would be a waste of my efforts to elude you and vanish into the frosty darkness with only Ludo the cat sitting on the back…. don’t worry I have bought him a crash helmet.
Somehow I can’t seem to escape as I recall I have not boiled your hankies this week nor have I killed the rat nor swept the mat..This really is the doldrums… I am stuck and waiting for someone to take this raucous blosh off my mind.
Sincerely
Your wife
Ruth
I hate to say this but you are very boring… and I can’t take any more.if only you could speak.I never know what you are thinking.Maybe it’s all for the best as you might be a serial killer.You nearly killed me with your sudden rages and bad temper if I did not breast feed you nightly….I suppose it kept me slim but it seems wrong when you have dentures.Can you not remove them so you don’t bite the hand that fed you,if you catch my drift.
So you will have to go back on the bottle… there’s a few left in the cellar.
That’s it for now… light a candle for me.
Share this:
Falling
The man who never listened to the troubles of his wife fell down the escalator at King's Cross station. No-one met his eyes, as he lay sickly on the concrete, though someone did push his shiny briefcase towards him as if hoping that was enough. He phoned his wife but she was out complaining about him to a neighbour instead of painting or cooking dinner. As he lay down there on a level with the feet of the commuters he noticed no-one polished their shoes anymore... well,no-one could polish trainers of course.., though you can wash them---- he saw the way people leaned forward as if pushing themselves against a gale. though it was a still warm day. It seemed as if they were battling against a huge force, not relating to the feeling of their weight upon the earth. It was some spiritual force which was pushing them back towards the Underground,hot and turgid with sweat and dust. A sanitised Inferno,where the hell is in the collective mind . The force seemed to push them in and they pushed back and did eventually make it into the street outside and into Westminster, for we all need our rulers. He lay there all morning musing, until a tramp came over and asked him to buy a copy of the Big Issue. And he stood up and bought it gratefully, taking strength from the acknowledgement of his humanity. He phoned the office, went home and told his wife he'd like to know how she had spent her morning how she felt,how he wanted to learn to talk and listen, and recommends now that if you can fall off the escalator without breaking a leg you might be glad to see life from the bottom up; for he'd always looked from the top down and was above everyone. These reversals,though fearful, can give us a new perspective especially on women who are so often on the underside of society He's wondering about changing his life from up to down.. and down to up. Mothers always said,it's good to have a change. I don't think it was their husbands they meant.. though.........who knows? A game of musical chairs might be good on the weekend, if you live near a good escalator. Escalating... it's not for the beginner at falling.
Share this:
Surveillance existed long before cameras , hacked computers etc
What I mean is that we all live in a society and hence we cannot hide from other people.Now,the reason I am writing this hopefully humorous tale is because I often catch a bus from a bus stop 1/4 mile away which is outside a block of former council flats.I go there and so do some of my neighbours.One of them goes out each day because his wife is an over enthusiastic cleaner.I have known this man more than 30 years.
One morning I met an Indian lady at the bus stop.I realised I hae met her at a friend’s house so I greeted her.She replied,We often see you here with your husband.
That was a surprise as he hates shopping and rarely comes with me as in any case he has health issues.
After a bit more chat it was the man above she referred to.I did not realise she lived right by the bus stop….
I said,He’s not my husband.
Well,who is he then,they said almost as if they knew better than I did…..
So I said,He’s my boyfriend.
This caused them to colllapse with giggles and peals of laughter… was it my haggard face and my stick? or my confession of meeting him so near my home.
So now if I go to that bus stop I shall know they are watching me…..and take my boyfriend on a different route
Share this:
My boyfriend and other lies
This boyfriend used to run a little restaurant.He does the shopping for his family and comes back on the same bus with me.He advises me and helps me by making me stay seated until the bus stops and he then persuades the driver to open the front door which is lower to dismount from than the back one.
One day there was an extremely fat man sitting in front of me.He was sticking out half way across the aisle so I was not surprised with no vision on that side when I bumped into him.He was furious so I apologised gently.When we got off my boyfriend told me if that happens again I must say,
You are very fortunate [ to be touched by me!!].
I don’t think I’ve been out since… owing to illness not the bumping into the man.So I miss my nice sweet boyfriend.I only see him on the bus or at the stop.
Share this:
Now there is no vertical
When you struck me,I vibrated like a kettle drum,
then as smaller percussions and repercussions
echoing from all the glassy surfaces
creating a balletic geometry of sound tracks
in space and time.
When you knocked me down,
I fell against her and her and her;
we were like a row of skittles
and we all went down with the lifeboat;
The infinite chain of being is.
When you hit me,the Fall spread across the world
Now there is no Vertical
All is undivine and graceless.
By the Rod it’s ruled
When you left me,I left myself,the world,the rocks,dry land
I weighed down sank to the ocean bed
with coral eyes
gazing.
When you struck my mind
I became an instrument of a foreign power
Singing a song I didn’t know.
When the glass was smashed
the splinters flew into all our hearts.
You didn’t know what we couldn’t see.
I lay on barren ground and gave birth
To my own Creator in the desert
Share this:
My little dandelion
Oh,my God
I feel like a dead duck.
Don’t worry,I always kill them before I roast them.
Can I have some wit?
You mean sauce?
Oh,sole mio.
Sorry,I have had no fish in today.
I feel like a burned out shell.
That will be cheap.I’ve got a lovely bunch of coconuts.
Two will do me.
But how about him?
Et tu,Brute?
Sorry,we don’t serve barbarians.
Well,it’s the biggest day of my wife.
She is about to give birth…..
Only if it can be in a stable.
Why so?
It will look good on the Xmas cards.
But they’ve not been invented yet.Oh,my God!
And here’s me thinking it was just my burning thrush.
Share this:
There’s fun in words
Well worth reading and such fun
Literally. You can find fun in words. Like fungus. Maybe you know a guy, and he is fun, so you say he is a fun guy. And if his name is Gus, maybe you say he is one fun Gus.
As you know if you know what’s good for you, fungi rhymes with fun guy. Every time someone uses the other pronunciation that rhymes with fun jai, a dung beetle dies. And do you really want to live in a world without dung beetles? No, because once they are gone, we are in deep doo-doo.
We eat fungi, which are both tasty and sometimes deadly. Fungi live on us and sometimes invade our toes.
Fun Guy: George, you’ve got some fungosity going there on your toes.
George: You nailed it, Fun Guy. You’ve got onegood eye.
You also might have made a go of something fun like bowling blindfolded. Then…
View original post 456 more words
Share this:
Books are not just commodities by Ursula Le Guin
WRITING & READING, DEMOCRACY & DESPOTISM
Just get over here,don’t miss this.
Two writers, two talks, two beautifully-expressed arguments about the writer and his or her responsibilities, to the reader, to the craft, to the world. The first is a talk that Philip Pullman gave at the World Humanist Congress in Oxford this summer. I was lucky enough to be in the Sheldonian Theatre to listen to it, a talk that was, as so few are, thoughtful, provocative, illuminating and inspiring all at the same time. It has been republished in the latest issue of New Humanist. When I listened to Pullman, there was a section on the relationship between the writer and the reader that particularly struck me. Re-reading it in New Humanist, it still does; so I am republishing that section here. The whole talk is worth reading, though, so do get the latest issue of New Humanist, for Philip Pullman, and much else.
The second talk was…
View original post 717 more words
Share this:
Words structured make a map for me
This is one of my first poems when I began writing in 2010.I was interested in maps and reality.
Words structured make a map for me
Sentences enable me to see.
But there are maps of other kinds
And different maps suit different minds.
The artist with her skilled brushstrokes,
Her unique sense of the world evokes.
This goes straight to the heart,and tells
Of feelings’ deep, unfathomable wells.
The sweet, plain singing of the spheres
Moves those who hear to happy tears.
Yet notes are written on just five lines
From which can flow all music’s rhythms
There are so many different worlds,
Which all these maps to us unfurl.
The Art of Travel is to guess
Which Map will suit which World the best.
Share this:
Lazy women dies one mile from new modern Health Centre
Health Centre UK
I was sent some info about finding medical attention over Xmas.You put your postcode in a box and then a list comes up.However some of the places even though only 9 miles away would take 2 hours to reach on public transport.Because,i assume the computer is not programmed to take into account that travelling 9 miles across London is different from 9 miles in a small town or country area.
Even in a cab it would take over an hour to get to these places and the cost would be very high.
They assume that one mile in one town is the same as one mile in another.Or, imagine one mile ascending Great Gable if an urgent care centre or drop in NHS clinic located on the top.Then you might see a strange headline in the newspaper
WOMAN DIES ONLY 1 MILE FROM NEW FULLY EQUIPPED WALK IN CENTRE
Doctors at the new clinic expressed regret and another
spokesperson labelled the woman as
LAZY,IDLE STUPID AND LIVING ON BENEFITS [AND DYING TOO]
There are no buses in Cumbria but surely walking one mile is not too much to expect of the lower orders.The upper orders can use helicopters.Though they will have private care
The Prime Minister wondered why she did not get on her bike like Norman Tebbit advised the work shy.
In the old days men crawled miles in coal pits to get to see a doctor.How the doctor got down there we don’t know as yet…
Backbone,that’s what we need nowadays.Don’t be idle like this woman.
Share this:
the best Christmas party ever!
This has some really fine photographs
This year, the school children of Lorenzo Daa Memorial School experienced a Christmas party that’s so different from what they have been used to. Situated in sitio Paglaum, a remote area 40 kilometers from downtown Tacloban, the school has a population of 200 pupils and students. Most of these school children had no idea what a party is like for the average city kid until now.
With sweet treats and entertainment filling up the whole day, these kids probably had their best Christmas party ever, courtesy of the Rotary Club of Tacloban.
——–
This might be my last post for the year, so here’s a very Merry Christmas to all of you. It’s been a long time since I’ve taken family photos and I’ve got a lot of catching up to do.
Share this:
Life was somewhere else
If I go I won’t tell you.
I’ll just disappear one day.
Like when a cigarette ,which seemed so long,
suddenly has become smaller
and you never noticed it
because you were talking
about the meaning of life
while life was somewhere else
blown away with your smoke
into the sky
and then dispersed
never quite visible again
but still floating on the breeze
hoping to be caught
in a butterfly net
but unable to communicate
except by flying.
If I go it will not be today
but it will be an ordinary day
no one will realise
that it’s that day
that the bird flies
from her nest
to go to a new place
only seeing the deserted nest
he realises,
my bird has flown
Share this:
Shimmering light
Shimmering light
The lily pond.
Deep water.
The music of your eye
The touch of your arm
Your always honey smell.
I love.
Rustling trees in a row,
A wide green lawn;
People stoop to see small flowers.
A snail on the path.
The perfecton of the shell.
I believe
Unusually tall dandelions
at the edge of this wood
Wave in the warm west wind.
We smile.
Sitting pen in hand
I wonder what I would have written
In all the letters I’ve not sent you.
Far away on the Ridgeway,
Cars,seem small as ants,
Rush towards the motorway.
They make us laugh.
How green the meadows are
How fresh the old trees.
I gaze at you.
I find I am.
It’s mutual.
I thank you.
Share this:
My Xmas Round Robin
Hello Everyone
I thought we should join in this round robin idea this year
What a fantastic year it has been for me personally.I’ve averaged 100 viewers a day on my blog… in fact I now have three blogs counting the ones on “Living happily with paranoia and the measles ” and “Eff off i’m writing my dreck and other crap poetry”
I’m not surprised as my poetry and art is well above what most human beingss can achieve,but then I do have an IQ of 200.6731 and an eye for colour and form.In short I am a genius as you have already notiiced.
I have readers in Japan and Russia and even in the Ukraine… perhaps whilst they are shooting aieoplanes down.I’ve had readers in Jordan and Israel but so far Gaza has eluded me possibly the Wi Fi is shot just now but I hope they soon begin following my blog.. and that the Israel intelligence are not following me or it or anyone of you as they are very adroit with new technology
This writing has been so good for me during all the crises and we have also managed a surprising feat by both getting cancer at exactly the same time.And not to be outdone by me having a rare type of angina,my spouse has now got congestive heart failure which is not as yet quite total but who knows? That gives a certain frisson to life.
We have experienced the wonders of our two local hospitals biopsies,surgery, haemorages,plastic surgery, and I really won the prize when i had 22 injections of local anaesthetic under my left eye without screaming.. I hummed instead.They say many folk refuse to have it but I had no idea.And it was not as bad as the emotional suffering by a long walk.
I had often wondered what boxers felt like after a match and I now feel it ought to be totally banned.
.
The adventures of the prick [Thanks,doctor]
“ Prick me again,my darling.I love you whatever you do,
My bottom is numb and you sprained my thumb.
But what hurts is that you called me Sue.”
The surgeon is very good and plays
“Bridge Over Troubled Waters” as he works.Plus he spoke to me every five minutes to keep my brain going and my heart strong.Undeterred by all these episodes we decided it might be best to get divorced in October but ,having caught flu, broncitis.sinusitis and a severe UTI we are still together though what we are is not quite what it was,if you see what I scheme.We also now have rats.So far they are still wild but am hoping to tame them and give them a new home as my husband is afraid of getting too attached to a cat.I just hope the rats don’t want sit in my knee as we watch Foyle’s War and old films after supper.Will they need cutlery I wonder?
Somehow we have kept going yet are wondering if a double leap off Beachy Head might have been less painful and would have saved the NHS a lot of money and cut down the number of old folk in Britain as we are told daily what a pest we are….. just like the rats in a sense.
I had to drop the art class but here is a drawing I did when there.
Near home
Unfortunately owing to my auto-immune disorder I have never borne any fully mature fruit,however judging by other people’s round robins it appears to be a good thing.There seem few contented families in the UK.It makes me wonder where we all went wrong being so happy in our simple lives fifty years ago playing with the tar between the cobbles in the road ,skippint rope and catching frogs.
If our relatives are working they are stressed out and tortured and if unemployed they are despised and ignored.. If they have children then they have to teach them to write and read by 3 months and they must at Uni by the age of two.
If they have none they are wondering whether to use artificial means and in general mostly they wonder if life is worth living with no family ot whether to become transformed into another as yet unknown gender and demand the right to marry and adopt.
With sadness we look at our beautiful world and wonder if Eve should have chosen a pear for her first meal instead of that damned apple.Snakes alive
And for those who harp on about family values,I say
Were Adam and Eve married?
And who did their children marry?
So we are all illegitimate descendants of incestuous matings.
Maybe that is the reason for the state of the world.
Well,we have not built an extension,had a new oven or car
Though I did buy a new millk pan and a satchel in which to carry my new touchscreen chrome book
And an android phablet too… I admit it was Black Friday that tempted me.
We have no cloakroom or ensuite and we have not fixed the shower
We have not converted our loft or built a gazebo in the garden
We have taken no holidays nor even a one night break
so i am sorry to have to say I have nothing more to add to my newsletter
Just to say,2015 will probably be much the same blend of joy and woe as each year is.
But hope for all of you the joy will be the bigger part.
With much love,Katherine and John
How my heart sings 