I was planning to make a carrot cake till my mother told me:

• Carrots don’t eat cake.What are carrots anyway? Why are they so picky?I have to eat all my food or I get punished by hunger pains.Are there worms inside me eating my food or biting me?Do worms have teeth?What is it they like about soil.

  Charles Darwin wrote a book about worms…

  So far I have not read it.

  Worms are the opposite of us.

  They never get angry or depressed as far as we can tell..

  How fortunate as to psychoanalyze a worm would be hard.

  Indeed could you tell a worm to lie on the sofa

  Or would you have to climb inside a plant pot next to the worm?

  As Wittgenstein might have said,

  If worms could speak we would not understand what they said.

  I don’t know,I think I can guess though…

  I have some experience …symbolically that is.

  Or is it metaphorically?

  Imagine a worm on your couch.

  Hmm,how are things going?

  Yurp,blurp!

  Well,that’s good.

  Werp,serp!

  Quite right,I am interfering with your transfernce.

  Hurpppppppp.

  Would you like a little soil?

  Mummmm

  Oh,dear…I should not have offered you anything.

  Daddddddd.

  Surely you don’t remember him?

  Herrrrrrrr.

  So your dad was a lady?

  Oh ,ahhh!

  Well,it takes all sorts.

  Glumb,glomb.

  I’m afraid your time is up.

  Tinnnnnggggggggg

  You want a minicab?

  Taaaaaaaaaaaaa.

  That’s £500

  Do you take plastic?

  No,only notes.

  Doh,ray,me

  I never knew worms could sing…

  Well,you do now.