Day: March 28, 2014

Stan and Mary go shopping

IImage

 

 

Stan and Mary went in town
To buy Stan a new dressing gown.
But he wanted a woollen one
In march that is not on.

The shops are full of summer clothes
But Stan’s not warm enough for those.
Mary likes to look around
But see how old Stan frowns.

So Mary says,I’ll go online
I’m sure I’ll find some fully lined
Made of wool and acrylic…
Them you can make your pick.

Thank you,Mary,you are kind
despite that brilliant,anxious mind.
I am the best dressed man intown
And soon I’ll have my gown.

Would you like cafe au lait?
I have my pension,I shall pay.
Very nice,dear Mary said…
I’d like a piece of bread.

Won’t you have a slice of cake?
I know it’s not quite what I make.
No,just plain bread,sweet Mary said
She then turned very red.

Mary,you look very hot
Is it healthy in this spot.
The central heating is too high…
She gave a weary sigh.

They drank their coffee and made jokes
About old folk who never spoke…
They bought some fresh fish for Emile..
They alway shop with zeal.
..
When they got home.Stan dialled Dave
Who told him he was very brave
and not to stand near a bus door…
Or he’d fall on the floor.
.
Oh,how i’d like to lie down there
With my mistress Annie fair.
but Mary is at home today
So i’ll just have to pray.

If you’re in pain and can’t have sex,
They say that prayer is second best
Morphine is so hard to get…
and it makes me feel sick.

So tomorrow Mary works
Stan and Annie have their perks
Dave calls round to bath the cat…
How obscene is that?

If you would like your cat washed
Or if your shopping has got squashed
Just dial 99999
The service is divine.

How I get ideas and how I write

 

Birth

Since several people have asked me,I thought I’d write a little on this.Before I began writing I kept o notebook writing about things which I saw,heard etc which had affected me emotionally… like seeing a neghbour who’d been deserted and looking very low walked past with two very fierce dogs on a lead…I still make notes or mull over experiences.
But often I have no idea until i start.Sometimes if I am stuck I write limericks.The writing act itself brings up latent ideas relating to issues which I care about,what life is,people who have affected me.If I can’t understand someone’s behaviour i might write around a topic but often it takes me elsewhere.
If I write a sonnet it seems to take me elsewhere than if I write free verse… it has a framework which gives less choice about where to go.
After writing,I do reading.I pick up ideas from what others have done or even games like playing with cliches.although these may be rubbish often some ideas are thrown up, a phrase, a sentence,which I can use.
The main thing is I don’t plan ahead very much.. as in the stories exceot when I got stuck with Satan in Sheringham!I began writing those stories to show the silly reasons why some of us send for the emergency services.. but then they got their own life and continued int other themes.
Sometimes I have been going to write how I will do something bad because I am hurt,but my mind won’t let me and I see that after being hurt “living well is the best revenge”.
Recall WW1 began because Austria wanted revenge on Serbia and ended up destroying itself.”Do good to those that hurt you”
So maybe my early religious training and life experiences of suffering have goven me ideas I’m not fully aware of till I start writing
Read a lot and increase your vocabaulary… listen to people talking…keep a diary of surprising or lovely things that happen.. the bad things you will remember for we are made to react more strongly to negative events by our animal inheritance
so I read… it’s why anxiety is so common, it’s protective… but don’t forget the happy and good things and the flowers blooming,,,
Someone said to me he gets up late as there is nothing to do…
well, in that case,go for a walk,write a limerick or play with the cat… or slowly and patiently tidy up some junk,visit an old person who can’t get out and tell them some interesting tales of how you fell off the bus or how a man tried to pick you up in a coffee shop even though your hair needed washing and you were wearing old clothes!
Activity itself brings purpose.. start and follow your nose..
Well, if you hate my writing just do the opposite of all these things I have told you about….try to do it your own way.

“Sexual orgasm relieves pain about the same amount as a dose of morphine”How do they measure it?

Night scribbles
Sex as good as morphine… but not so good in hospital here in the UK!!

I read that in a book about pain relief… but if you are in severe pain do you feel able to have sex?And even if you do,who are you meant to have it with?Is it prescription

This entitles the bearer to ten orgasms a week signed The doctor.

The book did not say if morphine is as good as sex, but I once had some mixture called chalk and opium for gut trouble and it certainly changed the world for a while.It’s illegal now of course unlike sex… is there a message

A mini collection of writing

  • Genudirection

ImageGenuflection

 

  • I do not indulge in genuflection

  • As my knees are so far away I can’t detect ’em.

  • But bend yours if you desire

  • To show courtesy to the Higher…

  • The God does not come around to inspect ’em.

  • Tables and chairs have legs

  • They are stiff and held in with pegs.

  • Perhaps I am a chair?

  • Who will sit here?

  • Don’t crush me down I beg.

  • However chairs do not have any minds

  • As far as scientists can find.

  • And they do not have eyes

  • So they cannot be spies…

  • Yet we know chairs do have their behinds

 

 

  • Word origins

  • The origin of the word knee

  • Latin genu as in genuflect.. bend the knee before God usually but also as people curtsey when meeting a Monarch.  

  • Flex means to bend…deflect must mean bend away

Fire Tests

  • ignis aurum probat

  • I married an acrobat.

  • He jumped through a flame

  • Calling my name…

  • with a gold ring inside of his hat.

  • ignis aurum probat

  • Who is your advocate?

  • Send him some gold.

  • Fire burns out the mold!

  • I know because God told my cat.

  • Ignis Aurum Probat

  • Is a wonderful name for A Lat.

  • But Mrs Probat

  • I do not like that!

So I’m going for golden,howzat?

 

  • Et tu, Brute?

  • I now have a Romanian friend

  • He was on the bus at the back end

  • Cum va numiti?

  • Just call me Kitty.

  • Et art tu,Brute?I punned.

 

  • Sing early

  • Encantado de conocerle.

  • My bird is usually early.

  • So hasta la vista,

  • I think I have kissed her.

  • I get up at dawn but rarely!

  • I’ve had nothing to eat all today

  • I sought to sell my soul on E bay

  • Oh,no hay de que,

  • I leaving anyway.

  • Buenos tardes,we all need to pray.

  • My friend met a fan on a boat.

  • Alas,it wasn’t far from the port

  • So, hasta la vista,…

  • The faster he kissed her

  • The more she sang out,please emote.

  • You old goat

  • Kiss my throat

  • Like your coat

  • Sow an oat.

  • Die Zauberflote.

  • Pissed as a mote.

  • Encantado de conocerle….. pleased [enchanted?] to meet [know?] you.

  • Spanish is very like Latin,more so than Italian.Romanian is also like Latin but fret not,I don’t intend to write in it as yet

 

  • Mirror Faces

  • Shadows, on the whole, are an error

  • which predestine the soul to feel terror

  • So if by a mystery

  • Folk sniff your history

  • Avoid all light precast by a mirror.

  • Mirrors can throw out strange beams

  • which can only be deconstrued in your dreams.

  • Allow yourself time

  • To sleep and to rhyme,,,,,

  • Reflections and love are one theme

  • Rocking chairs give an illusion

  • Of resting on grandmother’s bosom

  • How warm and how kind

  • Is the light of her mind

  • I sometimes need such care and soothing.