Stan was in the front garden polishing the wheelie bins with lavender wax polish.
He was not very happy as the garden was only 10 feet by 12.When he got to the third the lid popped open and out jumped his next door neighbour “Adulterous Annie”.
Hello,Stan” she whispered.”Where’s Mary?”
“Why?”Stan muttered into the back of her neck which he licked as he like her salty taste.
“I was thinking,these bins are so big,we could both get inside one!”.”What a strange idea” he replied philosophically, to coin a phrase,as it were,you know.
 Soon Stan and Anne were in the big green recycling bin.Stan being 81 had shrunk somewhat in the wash,as it were,so he took up less space than Annie did.He allowed her to kiss his left eyelid.What a lovely feeling.
Alas, too soon they heard Mary’s bicycle bell.She was getting faster.As she wheeled her bike up the long front path to the porch she heard murmurings and mutters,
She lifted up the green plastic lid and saw the two lovers covered in cuttings from the privet hedge.
“What the  bleedin’hell are you doing in there?”she shouted mellifluously.
Well,it’s hard to explain,but Stan was wondering about a green funeral” Anne said mischievously.
“Funeral ,my hat!” Mary said calmly.”Get out at once”
“Don’t speak to me like that” Stan beseeched her boldly.
“Well,it’s a shock to find your husband in the bin with another woman”
“Wouldn’t it be more of a shock if he was in the bin with a man?”
“Schmann or Schwommann,it’s immaterial.And what are you doing with that big carrot in your hand?”
“Just testing” Stan replied kindly,
“Hurry,get out,quick before the school time”
But poor Stan could not get out,He was stuck.Oh,my!what an odd phrase.
“Have you got your mobile on you?”
“You’d better call 999”
Soon Dave the paramedic arrived.
Mary showed him Stan’s situation and also pointed out the carrot had broken in half.
“I”ll take the carrot to Casualty” He said jauntily.
Meanwhile he tied some rope round Stan’s waist and between the three of them and Oscar the cat they managed to haul him out.
 Annie stood weeping with shame.Her silvery blue eyeshadow was beginning to run mixed with tears and black water soluble mascara from Chanel of Paris and London.It reminded Stan of his boyhood days playing near High Force Waterfalls in upper Teesdale….Teesdale ,still an undiscovered and undervalued part of England,Contact the English Touring Board for more information. Holiday Loans available from Thwaites of Stockton and Darlington at only 1% interest.
 Mary gave Annie a large Kleenex tissue,”come indoors and I’ll make you some tea.It’s been the most  thrilling  event of my life and I’ve photographed you with my new Nokia camera phone [Prices available  on request from The Catphone Warehouse,Teesside,Northern England,comes in pink and   pink and…pink?How I love pink!]
 Stan staggered upstairs covered in bits of privet and cabbage hearts.What an afternoon.[Please contact the society for the care and protection of dumb vegetables if you wish to make a complaint about this story.}
 “That’s the last time I climb into  a wheelie bin”,he thought.
“Nest time we’ll use the bed!”
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Mary Parker Follett – Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia: “- Sent using Google Toolbar”