Stan was in the front garden polishing the wheelie bins with lavender wax polish.
He was not very happy as the garden was only 10 feet by 12.When he got to the third the lid popped open and out jumped his next door neighbour “Adulterous Annie”.
Hello,Stan” she whispered.”Where’s Mary?”
“Why?”Stan muttered into the back of her neck which he licked as he like her salty taste.
“I was thinking,these bins are so big,we could both get inside one!”.”What a strange idea” he replied philosophically, to coin a phrase,as it were,you know.
 Soon Stan and Anne were in the big green recycling bin.Stan being 81 had shrunk somewhat in the wash,as it were,so he took up less space than Annie did.He allowed her to kiss his left eyelid.What a lovely feeling.
Alas, too soon they heard Mary’s bicycle bell.She was getting faster.As she wheeled her bike up the long front path to the porch she heard murmurings and mutters,
She lifted up the green plastic lid and saw the two lovers covered in cuttings from the privet hedge.
“What the  bleedin’hell are you doing in there?”she shouted mellifluously.
Well,it’s hard to explain,but Stan was wondering about a green funeral” Anne said mischievously.
“Funeral ,my hat!” Mary said calmly.”Get out at once”
“Don’t speak to me like that” Stan beseeched her boldly.
“Well,it’s a shock to find your husband in the bin with another woman”
“Wouldn’t it be more of a shock if he was in the bin with a man?”
“Schmann or Schwommann,it’s immaterial.And what are you doing with that big carrot in your hand?”
“Just testing” Stan replied kindly,
“Hurry,get out,quick before the school time”
But poor Stan could not get out,He was stuck.Oh,my!what an odd phrase.
“Have you got your mobile on you?”
“You’d better call 999”
Soon Dave the paramedic arrived.
Mary showed him Stan’s situation and also pointed out the carrot had broken in half.
“I”ll take the carrot to Casualty” He said jauntily.
Meanwhile he tied some rope round Stan’s waist and between the three of them and Oscar the cat they managed to haul him out.
 Annie stood weeping with shame.Her silvery blue eyeshadow was beginning to run mixed with tears and black water soluble mascara from Chanel of Paris and London.It reminded Stan of his boyhood days playing near High Force Waterfalls in upper Teesdale….Teesdale ,still an undiscovered and undervalued part of England,Contact the English Touring Board for more information. Holiday Loans available from Thwaites of Stockton and Darlington at only 1% interest.
 Mary gave Annie a large Kleenex tissue,”come indoors and I’ll make you some tea.It’s been the most  thrilling  event of my life and I’ve photographed you with my new Nokia camera phone [Prices available  on request from The Catphone Warehouse,Teesside,Northern England,comes in pink and   pink and…pink?How I love pink!]
 Stan staggered upstairs covered in bits of privet and cabbage hearts.What an afternoon.[Please contact the society for the care and protection of dumb vegetables if you wish to make a complaint about this story.}
 “That’s the last time I climb into  a wheelie bin”,he thought.
“Nest time we’ll use the bed!”
]

Mary Parker Follett – Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia: “- Sent using Google Toolbar”

The voters were getting very aggrievuated over the NHS plans.
I hope the plans will be attenuated,
Or the voters will be demonstratuing.
On the streets.Then Libya will embombulate us.
For the sake of our libertatuation.
They will not embombulate the hospitals
Except by accidentuation.
And unsophisticatuation.
They will aid us in learning new punctuation
For our governmentuation
And eventuallatuionarily and evolutionuarilimentally
We will be superannuatted off
and discombobulatuatnediolited
As it were.
Thanks for that enlightenuament.
Don’t mentionuate it.
No,I’ll just keep menstruatuing it
Like I did in the first Gulf War.
It does not help me much.
But it’s a symbol of caruation and consideratuion.
To be continuonated later……………..
Men may fight and women may bleed.Or not.
I ain’t doing any bleeding more for this governmentuateriation
This nest of vipers,this snake’s broth,this bubbling cauldron of scorpions.
More recipes on page 999.Ask for Dave,please.Mention MacBeth.
No.no not A big Mac.
Thankuariliations to all my perseveruatieng readers.
Adieu

I did bleed  continuously right through the first Gulf War by a strange coicidence.A good thing it wasn’t as long as WW2.

…

How to save your marriage! | Stephanie Dowrick:
“Dr Stephanie Dowrick is the author, among other books, of The Almost-Perfect Marriage and Intimacy and Solitude.The Universal Heart.

“Your eyes are all red and inflamed” he whispered

I keep my heart on the mantelpiece
Is that really wicked?
When it was inside my breast
It made me feel so tickered.

It went on beating all day long,
just like my alarm.
I am better off without it.
shall I come to harm?

Come this way,ST peter cried
There’s room in heaven for you.
But when i see your big red heart
I don’t know what to do.

They put my heart in limbo
They put my heart in hell.
Just where my heart is now
Nobody will tell.

If your heart is troubled,
If you are in pain.
Don’t take it out, for without a doubt
You’ll be dead in all but name.

You need to make a peace treaty
You need to heal your pain
For if your heart ain’t happy…..
Its  neighbours will complain

“Your eyes are like deep pools in the  Indonesian ocean” he murmured into Mary’s ear.He gently took hold of her and pulled her down onto his knee.
Just as he did that, his Habitat chair collapsed and they  fell onto the floor.,the chair in bits around them.
Have you got your mobile,my sweetheart ?”he whispered romantically,
“I think you’ll have to ring 999.”OK,my  archangel” she  prattled,
” Operator,it’s my lover’s chair again.It keeps collapsing,can we bring into A and E to be fixed?”
“Well he can’t go to bed anymore so we really need this”
Just then a pebble hit the window,it was his wife coming back from Sainsburys” she’s lost her keys.
.Oh,wonderful,just at the right moment” he shouted,”Hello,Anne,here is Mary,she’s a chair surgeon!”
“Oh,that’s good”,Anne muttered enigmatically,” Do you ever do beds?” “Why?”
“Well ours is always collapsing,another of life’s mysteries.”
“Why,you are so beautiful Anne.You are mesmerising.Come and show me your bed.We”ll leave Tom here.He’ll soon be in that ambulance”
 “Mary,your eyes are like deep pools in the Indonesian ocean.”
“Have you both been  on the same  creative writing course?” Mary spouted satirically.
“I aim for satisfaction.” Here’s my gun.I’m going to shoot you”
“But we have no guns in the UK”
“Well you have now.”
Just then the emergency ambulance arrived”.OK which chair is it this time” the paramedic enquired paradoxically.
“Have you ever thought of making it in the bath?”
“We’re getting really worried about you in Casualty,at your age.”
“Worry no more” Anne screamed emphatically, firing the gun repeatedly into the chair.”I’ll make sure he never sits in it again.And now Habitat’s gone bust,he can’t buy another.'”
“Cheers mate!”whispered the paramedic dramatically.
“Has anyone ever told you,your eyes are like deep pools in the Caspian sea”.
“Oh,no not another one!”Anne moaned tentatively,”You need to raise your whole game,not just change the name of the sea”
“You’re so intelligent too,lady.Can you teach me truly creative writing?” He yelled quietly.
“Come upstairs she murmured in reply, and we’ll see what sea we can see up there,tonight”.
“Thank you so much and please send me home in a stamped addressed envelope when you are done with me.”
“Whatever” she sighed spontaneously.”Let’s get on with it or you’ll be here all night” 

Glimpses between the cracks:Alice’s Looking Glass: “- Sent using Google Toolbar”

Arthur Deikman on Mystic Experience: “- Sent using Google Toolbar”

Mystical experiences of Simone Weil: “- Sent using Google Toolbar”