Sing,fancy it all goes to show.

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My cat went a roaming to find a new home.
Sing kitty,sing katty,sing Oh!
This cat was so clever he had his own comb.
Look up,now look down,stone the crows!

He went into the neighbours’ and drank all their milk.
Sing,fridge raiding kitties.No,No!
Then he laid himself down on a piece of fine silk.
Sing,what the dickens,my lovely pillow!

He went to the butcher and ate all the steak.
Sing greedy,he’s ruined my flow.
Then he went to the hairdresser for a shampoo.
Where else can a puttitat go?

He had got no money,no cards and no cheques…
Sing,cheater,sing creature,sing woe.
She sent for a Copper who paid the cat’s bill.
And so my puss came out all aglow.

Now my cat was glossy and plump and refreshed.
Sing:fancy,it all goes to show.
So he came home and said then ” this place is best.”
And he picked up his cello and bow.

He scraped some Sibelius and a sonata of Grieg.
Sing: Northern lights can always glow.
But,he looked so self satisfied,I felt annoyed….
One should not let one’s narcissism show.

But he is so handsome,I’m glad he came home.
Sing,grateful,sing katefull,sing Ho!
And I hope he will never again want to roam.
Sing glory.sing story;Sing So.

Reflecting love

In that silence, I heard sparrows chirping
In the still green hedge.
I saw the lake and your reflection
And my reflection.;
and did the sparrows see
as the sun shone slantside
over the steeply falling bank?
Dd they see this natural mirror?
And my mind’s mirror
gave me new reflections
in the reverie
Of the dreaming evening,
As I slid slowly down
Into soft slumber;
Trusting the life within,
Trusting you;
Trusting myself;
and in my reflections
I see you too,
smiling in welcome;
smiling the beautiful smile,the true smile of love itself.
The embrace of the dreaming world
comforts
and holds us
as we breathe gently
in the sweet air
of love.

Emile’s diary translated by Stan

what's this?Cat musing

I think Stan is having a nervous breakdown.He hasn’t cleaned the windows for a week and he says he hates the vista.
I know this vista well and to a cat it’s quite intriguing,though we have better vision than humans
He says he can’t do a back up…why can’t he park up front ?
Now he says there’s a virus in here.Well,I’ve seen some beetles on You tube and spiders in the bath but not a single virus….
He says the touchpad needs freezing………..well,it won’t fit in our freezer..it’s full of kippers.My pads are still ok despite my climbing trees.
Now he’s shouting “Bugs” at the computer but so far it’s not replied.
I said it’s time for coffee,to which he replied:
“To be or not to be”
So I said,”Measure for measure.”
Then he leered nastily
So I said,
I want to change sex for my name is Cordelia.
He said,you’ve got your own blog now,Emile.
I said,Lend me your ear.
He said,You have two already!
So I said,Much ado about nothing.
He said,Are you barking?
I whispered,It’s a dog outside
He said,Persuade me.
So then I did bark, just a little one, and he passed out on that old chair.
We’re waiting for the ambulance now.I actually dialled 999 and though they didn’t understand my miaows they did trace the phone number and then found the address from that.
Then tonight we’re all off to see
Timon of Athens
or is it
Timor of Athens?
It’s all Greek to me.
It could be Hebrew…the concept appeals to me.
Was it Aramaic they spake?Cats don’t have all these languages
One image is worth a thousand words especially if it’s of a bird or a mouse.
But in modern culture words are valued more highly.So only children had picture books.I like it when Lyra was a child because she let me look at cats in her story books.And mice as well.
I have to have a bath now so I shall end here

Lonely and/or bored… read this [Instead of starting a war]

sigmund-freud-pet-quotes-time-spent-with-cats-is-never

Sleep with a flea in your ear.
A bee can be a  friend 
unless you are a wasp.
The comfort of  park rangers is underrated and underwritten
Lonely with you here?
Cats are intriguing but they scratch in bed
How to enjoy your self alone… it’s a shock to know who you are but never mind
Love yourself and then love another.And then just carry on like that forever like an infinite sequence 1
Keep out of trouble,come to my place  and find a hobby making sculptures from the wires I took out of my bras plus some coathangers
Have you a local?Try going to Church and get free coffee to today as well as.. you know what..
Electrify men by wiring your lingerie with our simple kit.
Bored with bras…. try alternating currents through the underwires.
Men…. how not to frighten the ladies off by swearing and spitting
How to  swear in four easy lessons.Number 1:learn to talk! Number 2 still wondering
Try a vow of silence to intrigue the opposite sex unless gay in which case   intrigue  the same sex.. as you like it so you will have it
Never go to bed on an empty stomach.. buy a mattress for two… and invite a jolly soul round for the weekend.
Sulking is no use when you live alone… it’s interpersonal.. you have to have someone to be sullen towards.But what if they don’t notice? Give up and rejoin us.
n
Related articles

I eat splogs and gurgle blogs

I love you and you love me!
Believer!
Where on earth should I be?
Whenever.
I blocked cookies all my life
If you want one,ask the wife.
I eat spam, and google then,
I begin all over again.
whatever.
I ban websites for a living
But my wife is very forgiving,
Men ever!
I eat splogs and gurgle blogs
Then I cut up all the logs.
Whenever.
I’ve been married fourteen times,
They divorce me for my rhymes,
Whatever.
I eat cookies if I can,
If I can’t I get them banned,
Forever!
I’m the God of Monster Space,
I’ll destroy this human race,
Moreover.
If you meet me you won’t know
‘Cos I look like old so and so,
Whoever.
But I am mad and I’ll get you
I eat up this human zoo;
Together.
Whenever.

How like a dream

How like a dream this world appears to me
My mind unfocussed spreads itself about..
No details, just an outline I can see.
And vagueness dimly fills me up with doubt.

The early sun made joy rise in my heart
As I looked out upon the gardens gold.
Of nature and each season we’re a part.
As with patience we let all our self unfold.

We are as nothing in the vast space of this sky
Where stars send light from deeps of long ago.
And yet despite my nightmares I shall try
As fears make fences if we don’t say No.

We have to make our dreams a home on earth;
from where creative thoughts are given birth

The torture woman submit to:underwired bras

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Underwire_bra

You may like your wife or partner to look like this but do you know what it feels like?[Though once or twice these wires have deflected bullets]

Brassiere-whiteI never knew what underwires looked like until I accidentally bought a nice looking bra online.When I felt the wires I decided to remove them.I am really shocked to see how tough and strong these wires are.I imagine unless you were very thin [and would not need much of a bra] the wires would really cut into your flesh at the sides where it runs up the cup edge.The wires are so strong I am sure one could make a weapon from them.I showed one to a friend and he was horrified.But looking round Marks and Spencer that great British shop [!] most bras are underwired.
I can’t see how,if you have large breasts that these wires would hold them up.They’d just dig in and then the breast would hang over the edge.
With all the fear of breast cancer,why do we submit to the dikdat that we must make our breasts stand up or out?
If we are that bothered then wearing a long waistcoat over a top or blouse would hide our bulging figures.
So either I return to modelling birds from wire [ I have done before] or else it’s the garbage can for these nightmare objects.I wonder who invented them?
Underwire_USpatent_6468130_1
When the underwire breaks through the bra fabric, it can cause tremendous discomfort. Celebrity chef, television personality, and businesswoman Clarissa Dickson Wright only wears a bra on special occasions. At her 50th birthday party, she was dancing when she suddenly felt a “terrifying pain in my chest.” She initially thought she was having a heart attack. “The pain got more and more intense. I staggered off and discovered I’d broken my underwired bra.”

Daddy doesn’t smoke here any more

photo big specs

I am writing my autobiography.So far I’ve written just the titles of the volumes and that took me three days:

Daddy doesn’t smoke here any more.[ Early  to mid childhood]

My family and other criminals [Sibling rivalry]

Nuns are not a  jot of  fun  [School days]

Scholarship and yearnings [Hire Education]

Insane but true  [My love life]

The heart has its treasons.[My adult life]

Under the haystack. [How I became a gypsy]

Am I too cold for you ? [Age and its mysteries]

How I double crossed the quiver [ Almost dead but still very trying]

Black eyed floosie   [My medical history ]

I saw that life as we know it is just a film  but we are too close to spy the hand that turns the roller  [Nearer to death and seeing the clouds from above]

Left in the silence,trembling

Freed from her trap
Bird soared into air,and hovered
And floated, resting;
And flew higher, singing as she flew,
And higher again,
Till there was only her song,
Left in the silence,
Trembling.

Up on the wide,stump topped hill,
I felt the lark inside my heart
And heard her singing.
And flying up with her,
I saw gold sun and silver moon,
Moors of heather ,and sheep grazing
Green hills,
And shimmering lakes,
Clouds ,sun and sky in watery mirrors.
And sang ,and dipped,and dropped,
And curled
Up the blue
Bright heaven, and rested
On the wind.
All that day
I was a lark singing.

I shall always have a vision of
A bird
That flew upwards,
Rejoicing and free
Into a deep blue sky, and high
And higher
Beyond high
Into a place, beyond eye even,
But music still sending.

I wish I were back on that heathery moor,
With the nibbling sheep and the bees sweetly humming,
Hearing again
The poignant song
Of the skylark,
A prisoner,freed by a magician,
From her trap,
So happy to be free,
So wonderful to see.
Do it again,
For me.

Hurricanes of the heart

Image

When the windows shattered
And the splinters flew in
He just made for the back door
And left me
not knowing where to begin.

When the shards of glass hit me
And pierced my vulnerable skin
He was  already going
Leaving me
feeling he was an inhuman being.

When I fell down covered in glass and bleeding,
And the storm raged on,
I didn’t look round because
I knew,I knew,I knew,
I knew  he would be gone.
Gone.

Suddenly peace came,storm had quite
disappeared..
It was all over so quickly
Not as terrible as I feared.

My wounds were bad,I have to confess.
I had no bandage
Nothing with which to dress.
With an old towel I cleaned my blood
Then I lay me down
Just to have a rest.

Since that day,no storms come this way.
My wounds are healing
I have just one thing to say.
When the storm was so bad
He left me all alone…
but strangely since then
all is peace and calm.
His absence has become
almost a balm.

But I hear stories of fierce storms rising up
In towns and villages
Not too far from here, where a wandering man appears.

Seems like he’s running to get away
From some storm
But the storm’s inside him…
He gives it form

 

So when the windows crashed in

And glass flew at my face
left me all alone
In what, he thought,
was a very dangerous place.

Did he not pick me up
and carry me outside?
No,my daughter, he left me alone;
I might have died.

But since then
I lost a great burden…
And I lost a great feeling of shame.

Rise up,you women,bleeding and torn.
For on days like this,a new resolve is born.
While you live don’t accept all the blame.
Don’t live so long as I did,in fear and in shame.
Rise up and find that calm
In the eye of the storm…
On days like this
a new woman is born.

Leaves in autumn

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Floating like seaweed on the tide,
The final leaves of autumn glide.
The birds ride on the wind’s broad back,
They know no fear and know no lack.
The air is filled with unearned treasure.
My happy heart its wonders measure.
The clouds are deep and dark and grey
What snow storms may they fetch our way?
The sun appears and gives a glow
Of yellow to bare branches low.
Red berries bright,like summer flowers,
Decorate the holly’s natural tower.
Sharp thorns protect the smaller birds,
And from inside,their cheeps are heard.
As dusk arrives the blackbird sings,
So much sweetness nature brings.
I turn my mind from in to out,
I feel salvation for my doubts.
I know that I’m part of a whole,
And with all life I share my soul.
In this peaceful place I rest,
As with love’s eloquence I’m blessed.
There’s singing in my inner heart.
Like bees to flowers,my fears depart

Stan wants to ride his bike

[Made from a photo of my hand with art software.]

]Hand
Although Stan was 92 years old he still rode his bike as much as possible in the summertime.He was out in the garden pumping up the tyres before going off to the Library when suddenly his neighbour Annie appeared at the gate,bedecked as usual in finest Scottish tweed with a long pendant on a solid 22 carat gold chain swinging nonchalantly from her neck,with a matching ring attached mysteriously to her upper lip
“Who’re you,the Lady Mayoress” he joked noisily as he felt nervous.
Where’s Mary?” she whispered shyly.
“She’s up with her widowed sister Joan in Scotland ” Stan admitted nervously.
“Joan,that’s not a very Scottish name!” Annie joked.”anyway how about we sit down here on this bench for a moment”.She pulled him vigorously towards her.Stan responded regretfully yet politely
“I’m afraid I can’t stop.I have all these  old books overdue and the library shuts in 15 minutes.
“Don’t worry,sweet heart”, she cried softly.”I’ll pay all your fines.I’ve just come into loads of money.”
“Oh,how’s that.my angel” Stan murmured into her ear.
“I just shot Bert.If you help me to get rid of the evidence,I’ll share the loot with you.”
At the funeral,Annie was dressed in a beautiful dark brown suit from Jaeger.She went around the room making sure everyone had enough food and drink..As she leaned over towards Stan her heavy gold locket,inside which was hidden the bullet that killed Bert,swung over and hit Stan a glancing blow on  his temple.
Stan fell to the ground where luckily there was a thcik  wool carpet
“Do you think we should ring 999?” someone asked sarcastically.Within minutes paramedics arrived.
“So,is it that chair again?” they clamoured.
“Yes,this foolish old man fell over and the leg came off my new antique chair.I’ve only had it a few days and it’s not insured.”
“Did anyone ever tell you,your eyes are like deep pools in the Sargossa Sea?” The paramedic whispered into her right ear.I’m  Dave,by the way,her muttered.
“Have you still not finished that Creative Writing Course?” Annie shouted,continuing..
“I’m getting tired of you admiring my eyes.What about my nose?”
“Has anyone ever told you,your nose is the shortest they’ve ever seen?” he said furtively
“That’s a bit boring” Annie retorted. angrily
“Yeah,maybe I should change to Art,” he ruefully moaned, his eyes on the ground
“I love the way your deep blue and turquoise eye shadow is melting round your eyes and running down the sides of your nose.”
“Hurry up and fix my chair,and while you’re about it,you may as well take Stan down to A and E for a head X-ray.”
Glancing  slyly at Annie in her Jaeger suit with carefully contrasting deep coral blouse and opaque teal blue 80 denier tights with 6 inch stiletto heels to complete the outfit, not to mention her raspberry coloured bra which clashed violently with the coral blouse, which, as it happens, was more transparent than she realised, Dave picked up a hammer and began,excitedly,to mend the broken chair as this would put her in his debt.
“This is what life is all about,my boy” he thought.Little did he know the true tale, that Annie had murdered her husband merely because she felt very  bored.
Boredom is very dangerous.If you are affected why not go out and look at some hats?

I do and look at me!

I love you so much,Amy May

My spouse has gone out of his head
but he’s still lying here on the bed.
He’s got hands warm as toast
And I love him the most.
Thank God,for I thought he was dead.

He looked peaceful and calm as he lay
I was uncertain of what I should say.
So I left him to find
The way out through his mind.
He cried,Oh,I love you so much,Amy May.

Who Amy May is, I don’t know.
But her dream face gave him a hot glow.
Why should I deprive
This man of a life?
After all, I am only but his wife!

Generosity

Even near a busy road,
Flowers bloom as well as they do in lonely gardens.
They show us the true meaning of generosity
And determination,
despite their vulnerability.
photo 1
Live like a flower
Die like a rose.

Rise up in springtime
As the sap flows.
While flowers bloom they are open to the world.
They never turn away  unless knocked down by storms.
So vulnerable,yet so strong,
They give us hope,
And ask only for a little mercy.

 

Wonce mower with feeling

I wonce had a doctor who bred.
He had sixty fower sons to bee fed ;
for he had twenty wives
And fower lovers beside…
His sixty five gurls all got wed.

So the doctor created a tribe.
And wrote millions of emales besides.
At last he wore out,
Then he wallowed in dowt
About what sort of drink to imbibe.

Brandy is good for gut panes.
And to rub neat onto your chillblanes.
Yet whiskey galo’er
When the rane down doth pore
Can make won feel spring like wonce moor.

You have to leave me

I  know you have to leave me,
Though you desire a longer stay
Let me hold you in my arms now
For just tonight and, perhaps. one day.

Then I’ll watch you travel on,sweet.
We   take this last step all alone.
I’ll be here beside you watching.
I shall sense when you are gone.

May you accept, may you surrender.
May you reach the promised land.
Into this earth my tears will fall,love
When I feel your cold,cold hands

Lady love

I love the long ,lean lingering look of her
Legs like twin silver birch trunks
delicately balancing her elegant,exotic body.
Her blue eyed humorous gaze rests on me.
How her inner being vibrates in subtle motion
like an unmowed meadow of poppies does
in a summer wind.
Her smile is the sun on a lawn of pure white daisies
her own self a tall stemmed flower
opening slowly to the sun
revealing her deep,deep center

The curate’s motorbike

Come here darling, come here quick,
‘Cos your Daddy’s very sick.
Run as fast as fast, you can,
Get the priest, get Father Dan.
Run,run went my eight year old feet,
Down the lane and up the street
I ran right up to Father’s door,
[Does God live there any more?]
“Come please, Mam said Daddy’s ill”
“Oh”,said Father,”that I will.”
Revving up his motor bike
With The Sacrament beside;
He lifted me up onto the back
And roared off up the church-side track.
It was the best thrill of my life;
If only Daddy had not died.

 

Barbarosities

 

She’s as easy  to hug as  it would be to  kiss a bee on my crown
Life’s not easy when I  see ghosts smoking without ashtrays
I feel uneasy as  your pie made me queasy.
Poisoned by gum and still chewing
Beat lead.Buy a  fountain pen today.Qouink!
He sits like a broomstick at a wedding for dummies
Shall we beat my cat… or hunt hares?Is cruelty good? Then ban hunting,for God’s sake.He made all creatures…if he exists
It’s  treat  to  see your gun;catch my lift?
Why not eat your own dog’s food and leave mine for me.It’s all I have since the cat  died.
Eight hundred men caught one gorilla which took a bus into town..Now he’s been given a free Mass in the cathedral.Sorry  a Free Bus Pass ex cathedra
Why no elephant in your room? Are you in need of brass monkeys?
Are you on  an imaginative roller coaster?Join our club for the highly imaginary person
Now you must empathize with the wrong willed yet able to get the country off my knees.I am worn down by the dichotomies

The end of the sentence

 book-art-3
with its deep darkness
The Fall was never healed.
Can I resist the call of the killers?
Will they kill me with kindness or with hatred?
I try to hide but no place feels safe anymore
I negate my writing and hide my pens.
Pain degrades me.
Writing deleted returns in imagination
I can do little but I try
Black gravity is the monster in my soul…
Sway not the tree
On whose strong branch the leopard drapes himself
But let the moon speak in silver tongue
as the leaves rustle
I am invisible
except as a home for ants
Who steals my words.
I am no more than a punctuation mark or a short title
I am near the end of my sentence.
I’ll be hanged by some inverted commas
From the oak tree.. burning in the sun’s borrowed fires
I can’t see your face now.
Just shapes in grey fog
Like the doctor without feeling for my child.
A child,that was..
that would have been…
that has gone.
I am uncertain
outside the circle,
outside the circle.
the circle
the circle
of your arms

The why of the house

 

 

0114-0006The phrase “the window of opportunity” seems not wholly satisfactory
Admittedly you can see through a window unless you have thick net curtains but how many of us would be able to leap out of the window and seize the opportunity by the throat,if you see what I mean? And if you were in the attic you’d be dead before you got there…so what we need are “doors of opportunity”

The problem with that is you can’s see through a door unless it’s either got a window or is a glass door..So if you want success try living outside in a transparent tent where nothing will get in your way if anything passes by and your will get free publicity
I expect the phrase was made up by someone who writes speeches for politicians.
If you want a to succeed you must grasp the windows of opportunity as they go by and squeeze every last drop of rum out of them [try the tygers of wrath too]
She was only a little window but she was the window for me
Do not ask what your windows can do for you but what you can do for your windows.
Look through the windows and seize the day.Unless it’s a dark night in which case visit a brothel if they have windows
And one day all our children will be able to choose their own windows..red,yellow ,……………..mix your own…..free windows ..
Windows are the eyes of the house
Don’t be shy if opportunity peeks into your window.Peek right back at it…
Ich bin ein Window! Moi aussi.Ma femme!
Where is she now, the rich widow of my opportunity?
To look or not to look.Out of a selection
Never close the door in case someone wealthy passes by on the other side.and merely glances at your window.
Now is the Window of our discontent made gloriously plumper with our sunny walk
One good window deserves another.
I’ll be your window, if you open your door
Windows,they ought to be taxed I say.
Windows.. they give you an illusion of being in the sun but did you know we can see in…and we saw you and the mirror on your ceiling…anything to say in your pretence?

After he left me

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After he left me.I walked slowly and blindly.
Unknowingly, I  had entered a grey desert of rocks and stones
Not a person nor a house
Not a flower or a tree…..
Seemed like no-one else in this whole world was alive.
Inside my womb I carried our child.
Solemn with that weight and crushed by grief
I kept on my way.
Though my time had not yet come,
I realized the child was about to be born
I was aided by a faceless
doctor.who informed me
that my child was dead.
Casually he tossed it onto a heap of bodies
I am not Jewish ,but it reminded me of a Death Camp.
Deserted,I gave birth in a Death Camp.To a dead baby.
The doctor vanished and I lay inert like one of the grey rocks that were heaped about.
My heart felt like a stone
I had no food or drink but no desire arose.I lay unmoving
After a week I rose to my feet knowing I must leave or die.
Going over to look at my dead child at last,
I saw with astonishment,
he was alive.Alive!
I picked him up
And held him tenderly.
He’s alive,but what am I do to?
Still there’s noone around in this eery landscape…
But at least my child is alive.
Like the Israelites out of Egypt,I shall have faith in God
And I will keep walking until I die if need be.
My child is alive,is loved.
A miracle has  occurred.

I walk on

Reviewing effectiveness of UK drugs policy

christopherjamesstone's avatarFierce Writing

Kill the Messenger: a film about CIA complicity in the drugs trade

I wasn’t sure whether to write about drugs or the media in this week’s column. So I’m writing about both.

As it happens, there’s a new film out which covers precisely these topics. It’s called Kill the Messenger and it stars Jeremy Renner as real-life journalist Gary Webb who broke an amazing story back in the 90s and who was destroyed because of it.

The story was about CIA complicity in the import of crack cocaine into the United States. The CIA weren’t directly involved: rather they turned a blind eye when one of their client groups, the Nicaraguan Contras, used cocaine smuggling as a means of funding their activities.

The CIA were later to admit that the story was largely true, but rather than support Gary Webb in his work, the mainstream media turned upon him…

View original post 214 more words

Scramble yourself

How to beat eggs.

How to whip cream.

How to slap wet fish.

How to boil bacon.

How to cut bread.

How to carve a joint.

How to break the ice.

How to suck clams.

How to cook books.

How to cook cows’ heels.

How to cut off pigs’ tails and heat them.

How to stuff a mushroom.

How to boil brains.

How to roll your own eyes.

How to blow up your own nose.

How to curl your lip.

How to be hoist by your own petard

How to bully beef.

How to pot beef.

How to poach legally.

How to brew liquor.

How to scramble brains.

From singing

I see  a barrier  divides us .

Invisible and haunting like a face in a  fading dream

Maybe it’s  always been there……….

How shall I render it?;

A glass wall through which we  see

yet cannot touch ‘

we are close but  we can never feel;

never caress or kiss.

All that’s left is vision

which is   desired yet produces torment.

If someone should break that glass wall

would that be bad or good?

Though we would walk on splinters

for a short time

We’d be together in the same sensual world

with roses,peonies and anemones;

with birds , badgers and barley fields…

cats and cradles

and nursery rhymes.

Is it right   to judge the shattering of the glass as evil…

after all,who was it who had drawn me there

as by a golden thread?

and are we alive inside that bell jar

which is meant only for the dead?

Yes,the noise and the wind that whirls through

may strike us with  an instant of terror

but ,holding hands, we would come through..

and how  then would we keep from singing?

Nerves that wave

Good morning,Ms Brown
Gosh,you are so utterly politically correct ,doctor
In my view,it matters only for us to be medically correct,dear.And grammatically,of course.
How true, noble sire.
Now, what’s the problem today,madame?
It’s my nerves,doctor.I hate them so much I feel almost  derisory..which is totally crackers nowadays with so many street drugs to take one’s mind out of this world.
What’s wrong with your nerves to make you feel like this all of a sudden?
I think they are too big,mein herr.Can I have plastic surgery on them to replace then with plastic ones .I mean artificial like dentures are for teeth that drop out?
My dentist tells me my nerves are double the average size. for humans
But what is the standard deviation? Averages are no use alone.I wish people learned this in school
How dare you say that! I have never deviated in any way.And I’ve never been average… and surely double the average size must mean something gross is going on?
What a pity this is.You are a very charming and glamorous lady…I say that only to comfort you,not to seduce you which is illegal anyway,even if I wanted to do.Which I deny absolutely;
Well,my nerves feel like long wild grasses waving in a cold westerly breeze in a great big meadow in Hartland,North Devon where many lips have cracked.And sailors drowned off shore too…why some even drowned on the shore and their ghosts still wander below the sheer and terrifying cliffs of alabaster and silver.
Have you ever though of writing narrative or lyrical poetry or even romantic novels?
What,write poetry with nerves like this?Do you think I’m a masochist or what?
Well, you could try using a pen or a keyboard,you know. Now,God has given some of us larger nerves than others.It’s an evolutionary advantage to have some sensitive people about,like the canaries in the coal mines.They feel trouble coming before the rest of humankind
That’s hardly any use to me as I am childless and can’t pass it on.
God didn’t know that when he created you.Or if he did,he knew with nerves like this motherhood would be perilous and at least you can be a human canary
Well,is there any surgery to help me or any other amelioration to my symptoms?
Apart from removing your head there’s not much I can suggest at this moment in time,right now, if you want a verdict.Perhaps you can plant some wild flowers amid these long waving grasses and enjoy the beauty that you will perceive in summertime if you can be patient
You’re an odd doctor compared to the usual one.
Actually I’m really the computer repair man.The system has crashed and so has the doctor…temporarily
I knew you looked different but I put it down to my giant nerves disturbing my vision…
So will you come back to see the doctor later?He is just in the pub drinking blackcurrant liqueur for his nerves!
What’s it got to do with you if I come back again or not?
I love your mind,I love your body .I love your tentacles,receptacles and all your past and future particles.I love every bit of you especially your nerves.I always liked a woman with very big nerves.
Really? Well,that’s cheered me up a great deal.I like the beast in man.How about my wild grasses?
I love those too.Why,I’d like to lie down amongst them if you catch my drift.
Can you read between the lines or write between them?
Have you ever thought of taking up psychotherapy?
I prefer to help computers.Hearing sad stories from disturbed folk all day must be draining as you can’t run out when you get overwhelmed like you can at parties
Yes,but it would be horribly fascinating to hear all these stories.And now I am off to the garden centre to buy some flower seeds.
I’d give you some seeds myself but it would be wrong to sow your field here in this office and the doctor might come in any time now which would be a trifle unseemly.
Well,he could sow his wild oats as well!
What a wicked woman you are;I love your mind.You seem quite out of the orddinary… please keep your big nerves.
I am only offering this with the aim of calming those huge nerves .I am not thinking of enjoying lust or of how romantic you seem and how artistically  brilliantlu you are dressed and your golden curls and blue clothes.And your cleverness.
I quite understand.I shall keep it all under my hat. if you see what I mean
It’s an amazing red hat.Are you a Cardinal?
No,I stole it off one
I’d love to hear the whole story….who,when and where?
Well,I hope to publish it on Swindle soon.
We can’t wait.

Neither can I

It’s my nerves,doctor

Good morning,Ms Brown
Gosh,you are politically correct doctor
In my view,it only matters for us to be medically correct,dear.
How true,sire.
Now, what’s the problem today.madam?
It’s my nerves,doctor.I hate them
What’s wrong with them to make you feel like this?
I think they are too big.Can I have plastic surgery on them to replace then with plastic ones .I mean artifical like dentures?The dentist tells me my nerves are double the average size.
But what is the standard deviation?Averages are no use alone.I wish people learned this in school
How dare you say that!I have never deviated in any way.And I’ve never been average
What a pity.You are a very charming and glamorous lady…I say that only to comfort you.
Well,my nerves feel like long wild grasses waving in a cold westerly breeze in a meadow in Hartland,North Devon where many lips have cracked.And sailors drowned too
Have you ever though of writing narrative or lyrical poetry?
What,write poetry with nerves like this?
Well, you could try using   a pen,you know; Now,God has given some of us larger nerves than others.
It’s an evolutionary advantage to have some sensitive people about.Like the canaries in the coal mines.They feel trouble coming before the rest of humankind
That’s hardly true for me as I am childless.
God didn’t know that when he created you.Or if he did,he knew with nerves like this motherhood would be perilous
Well,is there any surgery to help me or any other amelioration?
Apart from removing your head/brain there’s not much I can suggest.Perhaps you can plant some wildflowers amid these long waving grasses and enjoy the beauty that you perceive.
You’re a funny doctor compared to the usual one
Actually I’m the computer reprair man.The system has crashed.
I knew you looked different but I put it down to my nerves disturbing my vision
So will you come back to see the doctor later?
What’s it got to do with you?
I love your mind,I love your ass! I love your tentacles and all your past particles.
I love every bit of you especially your nerves.I always liked a woman with big nerves.
Really?Well,that’s cheered me up a great deal.I like the beast in man.How about my wild grasses?
I love those too.Why,I’d like to lie down amongst them if you catch my drift.
Can you read between the lines or write between them?Have you ever thought of taking up psychotherapy?
I prefer to help computers.Hearing sad stories from disturbed folk all day must be draining
Yes,but it would be horribly fascinating.And now I am off to the garden centre to buy some flower seeds.
I’d give you some seeds myself but it would be wrong to sow your field here in this office and the doctor might come in any time now
Well,he could sow his wild oats as well!
What a wicked woman you are.You like a threesome?
I am only offering this with the aim of calming these huge nerves of mine.I am not thinking of lust
I quite understand.I shall keep it all under my hat if you see what I mean
It’s an amazing red hat.Are you a Cardinal?
No,I stole it off one
You seem very naughty!
I am very naughty!
Ou est la plume de ma tante?
J’enchant

mon petit point