Boris and the army

When Mary got home she tried to find her key but it was nowhere to be seen. Then she remembered that she had another key with her. I must have dropped it in the cab she thought to herself I will ring them up tomorrow, Emile her large black and white cat ran towards her very fast.

You won’t believe this, Mother..

Emile I have told you before I am not your mother.

Why do you take everything so literally, the cat asked her in a manner that reminded her of the French psychoanalyst Jack Le Con.

If I am on the autistic spectrum she said to him, that might explain it.

Well you have to take a test to see if you are on the spectrum

But I have got comfortable with you you and I don’t want you to change your personality just because somebody says that you’re a bit odd.

Don’t tell me somebody has been spreading rumours about me. Who says I am odd ;;it all depends on the definition doesn’t it? I may be odd in some words but surely that’s what makes people interesting if they have a lot of different from almost everybody else you know

Well Jesus was very odd and very old wasn’t he ,because God was his father?

Do you think God was my father said Emile ?

I’ll ask him next time I see him said Mary cruelly.

Are you going to see God, can I come with you?

Let me put the kettle on and make some tea and then I will have to get some food out for the supper. Do you fancy some sardines from a tin?

Well I won’t say no to a sardine wherever it’s come from I know that God would never put them into tins

Next time I go to church I will start laughing because they are talking to God as if he is a being from another planet but I will be imagining him on top of a mountain putting a sardines into tins although being on top of a mountain it will be quite difficult to find sardines.

Nothing is difficult for God but he doesn’t sound very practical :I expect some angels would put the sardines in to tins he asked them to do that

Here you are said Mary and she put a saucer of sardines in front of the cat while she 🦐heated up a tin of chicken curry from Waitrose,

Around the kitchen she looked with sorrow because if Stan wete alive he would never have usedu a tin of curry for her dinner. Why am I so bad at cooking? I suppose I’ve never spent enough time doing it and also when you live by yourself it take the way the incentive

The Amazon assistant switched on the radio and they heard the end of the news.

Boris Johnson has an army and they are marching on London from Framlingham Castle because they can’t suffer the Home Secretary any more. When she compared asylum-seekers to insects even Boris Johnson was shocked. And Boris is a very rich man now so soon he will be the King.

Oh that will be very exciting. I believe

I think we’ve had enough excitement here since the referendum what we all want is so hot cocoa and an early night. I hope it’s not too late for that.

But will the citizens of London be able to sleep knowing that Boris Johnson is leading an army from Suffolk although if he meets beautiful women on the way he might take longer to get here. Let’s hope hes not fathering any more children. London is overcrowded already.