Mary and Annie had invited a new neighbour for tea.They got out the big teapot and some blue cups and saucers made of china
Is there enough milk,Annie enquired?
Yes,I’ve got six pints, my finger must have trembled when I was ticking the box for the order
Milk keeps much longer now than it used to Annie cried plaintively
Maybe the cows are given preservatives .Mary mused
You mean the cows eat them,Annie asked?
Well, it’s just one possibility,Mary thought out loud
Now, where shall Edna sit?
You sit on the sofa with her and I’ll sit in this swivelling chair
OK,Annie muttered as she shook the door mat and brushed Emile the cat
The doorbell rang.There stood Edna in a purple wool coat and red hat
Come in,Mary whispered.Let me take your coat
Edna went and sat down by Annie while Mary carried in the tea tray
Have you had your vaccination yet, she asked Edna gently
Oh, don’t talk about it,I can’t bear injections Edna said in an argumentative manner
So don’t you have blood tests,is that wise?
For God’s sake, don’t mention blood ever or I’ll scream
Are you afraid of it?
I don’t want to discuss it, nor urine, Edna said as she swigged the tea and filled her cup again
I’ll be glad when Donalld Trump leaves,Annie said in an effort to change the subject
Why don’t people like him,Edna asked furtively.
He is a rich man with a beautiful wife
I don’t like people merely because they are rich.Mary informed the ladies
I don’t mind them, said Annie, unless they are vulgar, greedy, liars, and sons of the devil
That is a very prejudiced view,Edna told her.Everyone is entitled to behave exactly how they want
Well,Annie said,I’d like to lie down on the grass over there by the river and have sex with that psychotherapist who lives across the road But it would cause scandal unless lots of people did the same
Has your imagined lover got no bed,Mary teased her?
I think that’s disgusting , in a an older woman said Edna.I suppose that’s why you have that teal eyeshadow and mascara on not to mention your rose lipstick.I’ve seen it in Harrods
I got them in Channel supplies in Birkenhead.They are near the Mersey Tunnel
It’s a long way to go,said Edna.How do you get there and why is it nor called Tunnel Supplies
I follow a man on Facebook and he often drives up there so I get my car out and keep behind him all the way on the M1 etc
Does he know about this?
No, he’s not following me on FB any more
I wonder why that is, Edna mused with a strange sneer
He is paranoid,I suspect
No wonder,Mary said.He thinks he is imagining you.
I hope his imagination is as pure as the driven snow,Annie answered
Well, we’ll never know.Look at Princess Diana….she had many lovers..
I hate her, said Edna viciously
Oh,dear. said Mary.Did she hurt you?
No, she was cruel to Prince Charles.Her mind was innocent then and she had no repertoire of the sexual arts
Many women were virgins when they were single.How would they know such mysteries?
They could look at porn,Edna said rudely..
Do you look at porn, Annie asked her kindly?
Well,I would if I had a lover,Edna murmured shyly
Maybe they should teach it instead of algebra,Mary suggested, though once it was an instinct
The parents might be angry,Edna said sadly if their children knew more than them
But intimacy is not merely sex,Annie told them politely
It’s being able to to reveal yourself to the other person without fear
and I don’t mean wearing see through nighties
Emile mewed loudly
Mother, don’t you wear one.The milkman might see your body
I find them too cold anyway,Mary giggled sensibly
If I get another man he will have to like wincyette or fleece
Well,good luck, said Edna.No English man would want either of you
Edna you are very rude,What is wrong with you?
I’ve got pre-traumatic stress disorder and there is no cure
Well,use your common sense or just keep quiet and sulk silently
And so say all of us.